(This guest posting is by Karen Senteio. You can find out more about her and her work at www.vimandverve.net.)

Demanding fairness from the universe is a debilitating waste of effort

 
Do you spend time lamenting how unfair life is and how you got the short end of the stick? Are you sometimes stuck in this unproductive conversation for days, weeks, months and even years? Are you so bothered by unfairness that you complain to others about the short end of the stick and what is has done to you? If you do, you are starting a swirling cyclone of angst that can suck others into your vortex. Unfortunately, others have their own vortex, so combined; it creates the mother of all vortexes. The sucking sound is deafening and the illusion is created that we are all stuck in this very bad place.

Although I can understand how people can come to this, I am here to tell you that it is a spirit crusher and a total waste of your precious time. There is no universal or spiritual law that supports fairness. Life is bumpy, interesting, ugly, challenging, exciting . . . and fabulous. There is no room for fairness. Fairness would mean that everything would be the same with no deviations or differences. What would be the fun in that? If you want to truly live, move pass up the pursuit of fairness and opt instead for the pursuit of fabulous.

Building a fabulous life

Fabulous means that you take a bumpy and imperfect ride, but it will definitely be scenic. Every experience is data you need to make new choices — some big, some small — that will take you down different paths, roads and canyons. You will meet folks along the way who are sometimes contributors and supporters, sometimes detractors and extractors. Some may add to your life in fantastic ways; some are emotional drains; and some try to take you down by attempting to erase your hopes and your dreams. It can be raggedy at times, but you can always ask yourself what you have learned, file it and keep moving. If you do, you will be stronger each time.

If you are not quite there yet, lament over unfairness, but make it very short lived and then leave it behind you. Do not rob yourself of a life lesson that could make you stronger and more resilient.

Maybe you are about to reach a greater and more magnificent opportunity that will require more fortitude than you currently possess. Maybe the imperfect ride will open your eyes, shake you up and hand you the last piece you needed to move on.

“Fed up” should be motivating, not prematurely aging

I remember a point in my life where I truly understood how toxic the pursuit of fairness could be when I witnessed it in its purest form — almost liquid with the potential to stick to my spirit.

Complaining about the unfairness of life became a lunchtime pastime for a group of colleagues I lunched with every day. We were sharing one story after another about how miserable we were. We were overlooked, our fantastic skills were not utilized and we were doing more work than anyone else was. It was not fair.

This went on and on until I realized this was not something we just did this one time; it had become a daily lunchtime pastime. Here was a very talented group of people who worked hard and all this looking for fairness got in the way of pursuing or creating new opportunities. Our energy was focused on something that would never serve us.

When I looked at the faces that went along with the “life is so unfair” conversation, they were furrowed and stressed. It wasn’t pretty. We were prematurely aging ourselves and still going nowhere.

No one seemed to realize that there was enough data to make the choice to leave their miserable jobs behind. We were so engrossed in the unfairness of it all, that we were in some sort of paralysis, WE had stopped talking about opportunities, growth, passion and dreams. We were in the vortex.

That day, I saw the insidious “fairness” monster for what it was and had enough. I slowly got up from the table and declared that I was done spending my lunchtime in the toxic fairness vortex. I declared that I would not be in the same position three months from then. I was going to leave the vortex and move on in pursuit of fabulous.

I had a new position within two months.

Seek “fabulous” every day

The pursuit of fabulous is a far better way to spend your time. Switching your mindset from what you are not doing to what you are accomplishing. This produces a different mindset. It changes the talk from “not” to “will.” It changes your outlook from staring at the barriers and impediments to searching for opportunities and challenges.

This change in attitude will then attract others who are forward thinking like you and want to see you succeed. You will be sitting with supporters, innovators, the movers, and the shakers. You will repel the detractors, doubters and “negaholics.”

You are done with the vortex. You are done with looking for fairness and can handle the bumpy ride that life brings. You are ready to live completely and enjoy the choppy tide, understanding that there are curves, missteps, winning and losing.

Most of all, you take it all in, the good with the bad . . . and simply carry on. When you fall, you brush yourself off and get up again — bruised maybe, but that’s okay. You are alive and ready to live a life that is luscious, jazzed and open wide.

Fabulous is far better than fair.

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