Respectfulness towards others is the key to a more civilized workplace

The challenge for life at work is this: how to be a “business” person and a “human being” at the same time. How to be compete, yet cooperate; be hard-nosed, yet ethical; keep one’s nose to the grindstone, yet still take time to “see” and acknowledge others; be professional, yet personal; to make a profit and yet not be greedy.

You don’t have to look far to discover folk whose life at work takes the low road. Business magazines, journals, and news shows are replete with instances of individuals whose workplace demeanor is described as rude, insensitive, disrespectful, unethical, uncivil, ego-maniacal and self-serving, greedy, and dishonest. You might rub elbows with one or more such people on a daily basis — despite the plethora of books, courses, seminars, workshops, policy and procedure manuals, and treatises focusing on ethics and codes of conduct.

On the other hand, there are those whose lives at work are driven by an internal moral compass: guided by principles that support behaving decently, truthfully, and with integrity — people who take the high road, even when they face major challenges, problems, and difficult choices.

What can support you to change lanes and move from the low road to the high road is “Li.” Confucius comes into it because he wrote about the nature and practice of Li.

What is “Li?”

Around 500 BCE, Confucius described Li as a code of conduct that focuses on such things as learning, tea drinking, how to dress, mourning, governance, and interaction with others. The underlying notion of Li is how to be respectful of nature and one another. Translations or meanings for the word “Li” include propriety, reverence, courtesy, ritual, or the ideal standard of conduct.

Li is what the sage uses to find that which is appropriate. It is both the means which sets the example for others, and the end which maximizes understanding, pleasure, and the greater good. Words and behaviors that show respect for another are contained within the framework of Li.

Confucius believed that Li was the source of right action in all behavior — that coming from a place of respect for all others was at the heart of living a harmonious and worthwhile life. As the practice of Li was continued through centuries, one central theme began to stand out — cultivating your natural human tendency to be decent and kind towards your fellows.

Li in the workplace

The practice of Li runs the gamut from smiling at a co-worker to holding a door open for another; from serving others to being self-responsible. It includes questioning practices that are unethical, corrupt, and disrespectful or demeaning of others. It means choosing to behave in ways with a conscious focus and intentionality on supporting the well-being of the workplace and those who work there.

Li, however, does not come to consciousness naturally. It has to be cultivated. You must first learn, then practice, the art of being in integrity; respecting the dignity of every human being. Only then can you become become committed to, and disciplined in, the practice of Li.

The challenge in today’s workplace is to overcome more common modes of behavior, based on phoniness and convenience; approaches in which, more often than not, rudeness and selfishness are the guiding principles.

The opposite of Li is the common focus on “me, me, me.” It’s a way of life given over to rudeness, insensitivity, verbal abuse such as bullying, gossiping, and being disrespectful, and treating others as irrelevant. It’s being ego-driven and not cognizant of others around you: constantly interrupting in meetings, “one-upping” and speaking over others, and hijacking others’ experiences. It’s also revealed in simple, everyday things, like needing to be the first one on and off the elevator, not holding a door for another, not saying “please” and “thank you”, and slyly speaking ill of others.

How to cultivate Li

The way to cultivate and practice Li at work begins with becoming conscious: asking yourself, “How am I behaving right here, right now?” “Am I taking an opportunity to allow my natural tendency to be decent, good and kind to arise?” “How am I showing up?” “Am I being authentic”?

Li is not syrupy stuff. It’s not fluff. It’s not being effusive. It’s not being fake or phony. It’s not being patronizing. Li is being natural, honest, sincere, self-responsible, and relaxed when you interact with another — any other.

And practicing Li does not mean you stop being firm and assertive or stop holding others accountable. Still less does it require you to stop telling the truth or the bad news. Those who practice Li strive to come from a place of internal truth and integrity that supports them to be more forthright and courageous; it requires trusting that they “show up” in a way that is respectful and decent; that they can be who they are right here and right now — without using any “side” to shore themselves up.

Confucius believed that to truly achieve the principles of Li — the character of the true person — you must look within yourself. This is what he means when he says:

We know what is proper (Li), especially in difficult situations, from the wisdom arising out of contemplation.

Li means regularly spending time on self-reflection, inner listening, and sensing your “gut”, to access that inner wisdom that leads right knowing, right understanding, and right action. Li supports us to live life, even life at work, with your eyes wide open; to act decently, even when it might be “inconvenient.”

Each of us is born with Li. Over time, however, we lose our sense of it as we allow life get in the way of being our true and real selves. We take on fake personalities, personas, and masks and become poseurs. In the process, we learn to navigate life, especially life at work, with our “eyes wide closed” — reactive, fearful, resistant, and deficient in basic humanity and decency.

Questions for self-reflection

• Do resentment or greed drive your interactions with others? Do you admit when you are wrong? Do you apologize openly for misdeeds?
• Do you ever lie or stretch the truth? Do you ever lie, cheat, or steal simply because it’s convenient — because you can?
• Are there others you admire because of their integrity, sincerity and authenticity? Would folk at work (and at home and play) characterize you as a decent human being? Would you characterize yourself as a decent human being? Do you live up to this characterization?
• Does your organization have a code of ethical conduct. Do you follow it? Do others?
• Do you have a personal code of conduct? Do you follow it?
• What one or two things can you do right away to begin to cultivate and practice Li at work?

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