In the workplace, those who have healthy relationships experience less stress, burnout, and similar problems.

One of the reasons abuse — especially verbal abuse in the form of harsh, negative and demeaning judgments and criticisms, gossiping, bullying and other types of non-physical assault — is common in the workplace is people’s lack of conversation skills: the type of skills that support one to speak to another openly, honestly and respectfully, about what really matters. Folks who are comfortable in their own skin and can listen and understand consciously, possess effective communication skills, are able to speak up and speak out, and can discuss difficult topics with a sense of ease and grace are healthier than those who cannot.

The reason those with good dialog skills have fewer ailments is because they are able to work through issues and differences in a healthy way. They don’t resort to attacking, belittling, one-upping, demeaning, dismissing, labeling, insulting, ridiculing, or verbally harming others to get their way.

How does conversation work in your team?

Any conscious organization, team, department, unit or group needs to explore how it engenders and supports the power of conversation and dialogue.

Such an exploration allows everyone to examine how they interact with one another. For example, are employees allowed — even encouraged — to speak their minds? Are folks asked to share information. so that it is available everyone as appropriate? Are all stakeholders asked for their input on important decisions? Do leaders, managers, supervisors and team leaders ask their direct reports, “What do you think?”

In essence, does your organization, department or team empower people to contribute and engage in healthy conversation and dialogue? Do you consciously value and support open, honest expression of ideas?

Finding the Void

Where there is no opportunity to speak up and speak out; if people cannot freely ask questions, contribute, and engage, there is a void. Where people lack the skills to dialogue effectively, there is also a void.

Employees, like nature, abhor a vacuum. If a conversational void exists, your employees will most assuredly find a way to fill it. Unfortunately, the methods use to fill such a void are more often than not self-destructive and self-sabotaging to the organization or the team. Conversational voids are usually filled by rumors and gossip. People resort to complaining, nit-picking, blaming, bitching, and moaning. Some even stoop to out-and-out lying.

The center that holds everyone in place; the fulcrum on which your organization or teams positive energy and vitality rests, is effective conversation.

When employees engage with each other openly and honestly, the result is shared meaning. Healthy communication begets healthy relationships; and healthy relationships beget a healthy team and organization.

So, this week, our $10 food for thought questions are:

• Do you make it safe for others to speak? Do you trust others’ opinions enough to hear them as well as listen? How do you feel when you think you’re not being heard?
• Do you ask others what they think on a regular basis? Do you allow time for open dialogue in your workday?
• Do you find yourself needing to resort to roadblocks to communication when people are speaking to you? Do you quickly turn things around so you are speaking, thus shutting down the other person? Do others notice you interrogating and correcting more than listening? If so, why?
• Do you find it difficult to be present to another person? Does your labeling or judgment of others kill dialogue?
• Do your colleagues and friends say you are a good listener? Have you ever asked them?
• Do you allow ideas to stand on their own merit regardless of who is offering the ideas? Do you scrutinize the messenger as well as the message? If so, why?
• Is your conversation style punctuated more by periods or by question marks? Why?

Photo: Brian Solis

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