Maybe this article and book can save you from ruining many of your relationships
Subscribers to our newsletter and regular readers will know that there are sister blogs to Slow Leadership, the newest of which is called “These Interesting Times” (from the ancient Chinese curse,” May you live in interesting times!”).
If you haven’t looked at it, please do, especially this article “The Seven Deadly Sins of Controlling Others”. I wasn’t sure at first whether to post it there or on Slow Leadership. In the end, my choice was made on the basis that its brevity and link to someone else’s article and book fitted better into the casual format of “These Interesting Times.”
The content, however, is certainly important to questions of leadership and management. Coercive, manipulative, controlling management is everywhere today; so much so that we’ve come to see is as ‘normal’. Yet the same behavior in individuals seems to stir up the innate opposition within most people to being pushed around.
Perhaps managers should think about that. How can behavior you would probably despise in a personal relationship — and certainly resist if someone else tried it on you — be ‘normal’ or even laudable in the world of business? It certainly bears thinking about.
Technorati Tags: controlling others, leadership, management, power struggle, authority, unequal relationship, dominance, coercion, conflict, ’us’ versus ‘them’,
May 21st, 2008 at 9:14 pm
Very interesting! I had someone ask me what I thought leadership was and I explained that ‘results-oriented’ leadership (especially in a business environment) is not only about being consistent in your demonstration of what ‘good’ looks like, but it’s all about finding ways to further increase the ‘real’ return you’re able to receive on what you’re investing in your people while you’re working together with them on a daily basis to get the job done on behalf of the customer or client. I explained that leadership involves discovering new and more effective ways to create even greater opportunities for growth and success on the part of each one of your people, your team as a whole, your company, and also your customers and/or clients. Leadership is all about you being in the driver’s seat when it comes to you ‘being’ and ‘doing’ whatever it takes to insure the success of anyone and everyone who has a vested interest in your organization’s success. There’s a lot more to demonstrating and providing genuine leadership than most people in leadership positions realize.
May 21st, 2008 at 9:51 pm
Thanks for your comment, Jim.
I agree that leadership is far more complex and demanding than many people realize. That’s why people are tempted to cut corners and fall back on stereotyped ‘answers’ to the many problems leadership throws up.
The need for leadership has probably never been higher, yet the supply of real leaders (as opposed to managers with that title, who are either forced or silly enough to pretend to be leaders) is woefully inadequate — and will continue that way until we change the way we teach and train leaders for the future.
Keep reading my friend.
May 25th, 2008 at 12:05 pm
“punishing, complaining, blaming, threatening, nagging, criticizing, and bribing” — Very potent list. There are also some more subtle methods of control and manipulation:
1) Challenging a person’s worth: “Are you a real leader or not?”
2) Belittling a person’s expertise: “I’ve been doing this for 30 years, and you, how long have you been in the business?”
3) Taking a person’s “inventory” for them: “You always get defensive about this …”
4) Insinuating a person’s thinking is wrong: “Look, common sense says that …”
5) Playing the “you hurt me” card: “I’ve done nothing but try to help you, and this is the thanks I get?”
I know someone who has 30-plus ways of verbally manipulating and controlling others. Every fallacious argument, slippery sales tactic, and button pushing technique in the book are used to keep people in line. Thing is, the person would make a stellar leader if the energy put into these methods were traded for real leadership.
Just dropped by after seeing you made the 9Rules list. Congrats!
May 25th, 2008 at 6:46 pm
Thanks, SpaceAgeSage. Your additions are great.
Keep reading, my friend.