One of the basic requirements of all living organisms is an innate need to grow and let go of what is over and done

I read an article recently in which the author talked about how we can maximize our time and I was struck by the last “do and don’t” item on her list; simply, it stated: “And finally, when the horse dies, get off!” What an interesting piece of advice! Blunt and to the point. So I thought I might tug on your sleeve as well and suggest taking a minute or two, right here, right now, to consider any “dead horses” you may be riding.

Those dead horses take the form of self-images that we think we need to live up to — the beliefs, habits and routines that run our lives. They show up as the relentless demands and expectations we make on ourselves. Often we’re completely unaware of them, yet our dead horses are forever showing up in our jobs, in our lifestyles or in our relationships with friends, co-workers, spouses and partners. As a consequence, we find ourselves feeling miserable; weighed down with regret, agitation, anger, frustration, resentment, and depression as we continue to try and ride our dead horses.

Trying to raise the dead

Are you spending precious time and energy trying to resuscitate your dead horses, painfully and frustratingly dragging them along? Do you believe that if you just try harder, keep on keeping on, these dead horses will come to life, better than ever?

Some people rationalize their fantasy, arguing that the horse really isn’t dead; all it needs is some good old “R&R.” After days, weeks, months and years of resisting reality, they’re still waiting for the dead horse to show some life.

Perhaps you are one of the ones who try to convince themselves that life will be grand if they just carry the horse. If they do that, it will come out of its coma at some point. So, they haul it around hoping some life comes back into it.

Denial won’t bring the beast back to life

The reality, of course, is different. We know the horse is dead. Yet, because we resist admitting that fact, we exhaust ourselves carrying that dead horse around. Can you imagine behavior so silly and counter-productive — or so common?

As you contemplate your life, this may be a wonderful opportunity to be curious about your dead horses. What are the issues you’re facing because you refuse to admit that you are flogging a dead horse? Are they the same as the dead horses you carried around in 2007, and perhaps in 2006, and in 2005?

Consider your career, your work, your relationships, your health and appearance, your personal development, fun, finances, or personal space.

What about your lifestyle? Did you set out with a myriad good intentions, believing in what you thought was your vision or purpose, only to find that horse died? Are you working hard and sacrificing along the way — perhaps even giving up what you wanted or who you wanted to be — for the sake of another dead horse? Are you telling yourself there’s no going back, no way to extricate yourself from your unhappiness or frustration, for the same reason?Are you telling yourself that if you just “stick it out” all will be well?

If it’s dead or dying, get off its back

Arrayed in denial, buoyed up with false hopes, we keep egging our dead horses on. We dig in our spurs, but move nowhere. Maybe we’ve swapped the real thing for a plastic horse on a merry-go-round, so we’re always engaged in “doing” — going around in circles and going nowhere.

When the horse dies, get off!

Do that, and a year from today, your life will be different. Guaranteed, it will be different! Whether it is “good” different or “bad” different, is your choice. Much depends on whether the horses you’re riding instead are healthy and alive. Jumping off the back of one dead horse to get on another isn’t going to get you very far.

Our $10 food for thought questions are:

• In what areas of your life are you disengaged right now?
• What are you doing consistently at work that does not support your performance, productivity or profitability — yet you keep doing it nevertheless? Do you consistently engage in beliefs, thoughts and actions that run counter to effective goal achievement?
• Many folks spend the first half of their life articulating what they’re going to do — and the second half explaining why they couldn’t do it? Are you one of those folks?
• Are you dying a slow death for something you’re not willing to die for?
• What stories do you keep telling yourself, what “dead horses” do you keep trying to ride, that do not support a healthy life?
• How much physical, emotional, mental and spiritual energy do you spend supporting or trying to resuscitate your “dead horses”?

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