When someone’s committed, it shows in the way they care and how deeply they are engaged — even at work

“Harmony Before Matrimony (Gillray 1805)
Wikimedia

What is a commitment? A commitment is an agreement that is (1) a fact demonstrated by observable and measurable behavior; and (2) an attitude that reflects a consistency and alignment in thought and belief.

For example, a committed relationship is one wherein your behavior demonstrates commitment in an operational and observable way and your thoughts and beliefs about the relationship are consistent with, and in alignment with, the notion of commitment. If you say you are in a committed relationship but never have time for your partner, that is not commitment.

If you spend 95% of your time with your partner, but are consistently wishing or wanting to be elsewhere, not sure if the relationship is the right one or fantasizing about being with another person or persons, that is not commitment.

Harmony is a state in which there is a tight alignment and congruence among what you say, feel, think and do. When one or more of these elements is not in alignment with the others, no one will experience harmony. What he or she will feel and experience is imbalance without real joy, happiness, meaning or purposefulness. In a state of imbalance, a person is moving drone-like though life at work, at home or at play. Consider those who consistently say they are unhappy at work, at home and at play. What’s most often lacking is commitment.

The elements of commitment

For commitment to be conscious and healthy, four elements are necessary:

1. to be be clear about who you are, what you want in life and how to get what you want;
2. to have a clear set of well-defined goals for your life at work, at home and at play that are in alignment with who you are — your core values;
3. to be prepared for the commitment — having the skills that will support your choice to commit; and
4. to then make the conscious choice to commit, engage and participate.

The path to true and real happiness is paved with commitment. No commitment, no happiness, save perhaps a faux happiness — an appearance of happiness, but not the real thing, that is ever ephemeral and fleeting. Always looking for more and for “the next best thing” or person.

What do I mean by ‘being uncommitted’?

Most people who are uncommitted have probably never sat down and reflected on their deeper, core life requirements or the core values underneath them. What they have done is come up with a list of work-life-play requirements based on someone else’s beliefs. They have become indoctrinated along the way about what’s important, because they never took the time and energy to consciously explore inside and ask themselves what they really, really want. It’s no wonder they cannot experience commitment.

Those who’ve not taken the time to explore commitment in a meaningful way are characterized by:

1. a lack of clarity about their life purpose, their core values or the place of spirituality in their life;
2. a consistent tendency to look outside themselves for life’s “answers”;
3. a limited ability for, or tendency to, self-reflect;
4. a lack of clarity about “who I am”; and
5. a state where they experience frustration, overwhelm, agitation, unhappiness and discontent on a regular basis.

Getting back on track

The cause of a poor or limited ability to commit is never “out there.” Your inquiry should begin with personal responsibility, asking:

• “What’s going on with me that accounts for my lack of engagement or commitment (either in fact and/or in attitude)?”
• “Why don’t I have what I want?”
• “Why does having what I think I want always lead me to feeling unhappy, empty, lonely and unfulfilled?”
• “Why do I always feel I’m on the outside looking in?”
• “Why am I always asking others what they think, feel or believe?”
• “Why do I seem to sabotage myself so much?”

So, our $10 food for thought questions are:

• How committed to, and engaged, are you with your activities during your day at work (at home and at play)?
• How do you manifest commitment, dedication and passion? If you say you are committed and devoted, are you committed in fact and in attitude? Or, are you just going through the motions, or being half-hearted? How might others feel about the degree of your commitment and engagement?
• Do you find yourself delaying, denying, deferring and procrastinating because you are not 100% committed to someone or something?
• Do you ever doubt the value of your commitments? Are you afraid to let go even though you are not committed? Why do you hang on? Do you ever “act as if” to make believe you are committed?
• When was the last time you took time to seriously reflect on who you are, what you want in life or why you may be feeling uncommitted to someone or some thing?
• How do you know your values are your values and not someone else’s you just took on? Do you “go along to get along” when you know deep down that it’s bad for you? Why?
• Do you ever notice a conflict between your external or public voice (what you say to others) and your internal and private voice (what you believe and say to yourself quietly) while in conversation at work, at home or at play? Does this make you curious?

Technorati Tags: commitment, meaning, purpose in life, personal values, engagement, passion and dedication, knowing what you want from life, self-reflection