‘Know Thyself’ (γνῶθι σεαυτόν) — referring to knowledge gained as the product of introspection — were the words written at the entrance to the Temple of Apollo at Delphi in Ancient Greece. They are just as important today.

Temple of Apollo at Delphi
Photo: Wikipedia

‘Knowing thyself’ is an in-depth understanding of ‘who I am’ and ‘how I am’ — the product of the formal and informal experiences of living. To be clear, this understanding is not the result of simply having experiences, but deep, consistent and conscious reflection on those experiences and the lessons learned (including the good, the bad and the ugly).

Self-awareness often occurs through experiencing an inner conflict which tugs on your sleeve and forces you to change your value system, which is then reflected in new ways of thinking, be-ing and do-ing.

Examples include mid-life crises (which, by the way, are affecting folks at earlier and earlier ages today, no longer just at ‘mid-life’), health, relationship, career and financial issues and mental, emotional or psychological stress.

In the workplace environment, organizational awareness is the totality of each employee’s self-awareness. Where employees are more self-aware, workplace conflict can be minimal and constructive. Where the majority of employees are not self-aware, workplace conflict may well be insidious, toxic, all-pervasive and destructive.

Conflict is more often caused by people than processes

The major cause of conflict and loss in organizations is not processes, but dysfunctional interpersonal dynamics. It is rarely the result of technical issues. Most often, conflict is based on some underlying fear and is therefore an interpersonal-dynamics matter. People relate to one another on the basis of a ‘task orientation’ or ‘relationship orientation’ preference. Task orientation centers around functions, roles and business strategies and tactics. Relationship orientation centers around trust, safety, understanding, respect and sensitivity.

Success and effectiveness are dependent on the synergies that are created when people are in alignment with one another. When that happens, their behaviors support of departmental, team and organizational goals. The way your organization, department or team handles interpersonal conflict can lead to aliveness, fun, collegiality and camaraderie; or to toxicity, demoralization, resentment and derailment.

When people are driven by self-defeating personal biases and assumptions — most of which are unspoken — discord rules until folks agree to ‘out the elephants’ in the room and deal consciously with the dysfunctional behaviors behind the conflict. Only when leaders have the strength and courage to understand that so-called ’soft skills’ are really the hard skills of effective relationships at work — and what’s required to bring other people to that level of awareness — will turf and ego issues begin to melt so that people feel freer to act in ways that fosters mutual respect for one another’s dignity.

The process of ‘knowing thyself’

The process of ‘knowing thyself’ begins when you consciously explore “how I am” and “who I am” when it comes to “the way I am” and communicate with others. That includes verbal and non-verbal behaviors; how you express your feelings and emotions — if you do express them openly; the intentions behind your behavior — including hidden agendas; and any disharmony between what you do and what you say. It requires taking a conscious look at how you work and your interactions with others. Why, for example, you may feel a need to lie, cheat, bully, gossip or be disagreeable and suspicious; and whether where you’re coming from is supportive or limiting to the team as a whole.

A self-aware person is one who examines the quality of his/her interpersonal relationships on a consistent basis. A self-aware organization is one that examines the quality of its interpersonal dynamics in the same way. To be an effective leader, you need to support people to engage in reducing the negative effects of workplace conflict. Focusing on the ‘technical’ alone won’t do it — never has, never will.

Questions for self-reflection:

• How would you rate your relationships with others? How much trust do you you offer? What is the quality of your communication and your overall attitude?
• How self-aware are you? How aware of your emotions? What about how you came to believe what you believe about the world of work and the people in it? How far do you understand your values and what really drives you and why?
• Do you believe life is a ‘zero-sum’ game — that if others get what they want, you must lose out? Why do you think this? Has this attitude brought you more pain or happiness?
• Do your relationships manifest trust, dignity and respect? Are they based more on ‘task orientation’ or ‘relationship orientation’?
• Are you harboring grudges from the past? Do you really think you can change the past and make it better?
• Do you live your life based on the ‘oughts’ and ’shoulds’ of others? Do you have counterproductive habits and patterns you are afraid to let go? Why?

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