This post is part of the “De-stressing” series
- You’re Imperfect, So Get Used to It
- Hey, Give Yourself a Break!
- Physical Antidotes to Stress
Part 1 of a series on de-stressing your life
Work/Life balance is more than a buzzword, it’s a way of life. The word ‘balance’ doesn’t necessarily mean an even divide between work and life; instead, ‘balance’ means successfully managing all the responsibilities you have in all areas of your life.
Despite all the technology and labour saving devices that we have, and our parents and grandparents lacked, we work longer hours and have more time poverty than any other era in history. We also struggling with ways to find ‘quality’ time for ourselves and our families among the never-ending chores: work demands, commuting, home, kids and social and community commitments.
The failure many experience in achieving any real work/life balance means that family life can suffer and so can your physical, emotional and mental health. The huge increases in illnesses such as chronic back ache, clinical depression, heart disease, blood pressure, type 2 diabetes and obesity, are all indicators that our current work/life balance is way out of whack.
That’s why I’m presenting a series of ten ways to reduce some of the key contributors to stress: to help you in your quest for a better work/life balance.
De-stressing Idea Number 1: Take pride in your imperfections
If you continue believing that you’ll be the best worker, best partner, best parent, best friend, best community contributor or the best boss you’ll end up exhausted and irritable. By aiming for the impossible you’ll miss out on experiences with your family and friends. Many people are often so busy crossing things off their ‘to do’ lists that they forget to look up, see what’s important to them and just appreciate life. Just ‘be’.
Rejecting the quest for perfection will give you a break. Just do the best you can. Even world-class athletes who don’t win a race but beat their ‘personal best’ are thrilled with the result: it’s the best they’ve ever done.
The same goes for a relatively happy family with a drawer full of clean underwear. Or someone at work with a job well done and a desk that isn’t too covered with notes of tasks yet to be finished.
Remind yourself that the media ideals of ‘perfection’ we see are either the product of advertising agencies’ imaginations — or wealthy celebrities who have a small army of cleaners, nannies and personal assistants at their beck and call.
You’re imperfect. Get used to it and you’ll set aside a burden you don’t need to carry.
De-stressing Idea Number 2: Say “No” more often
Learning to say “No” can be difficult. You don’t want to appear to be uncooperative or the ‘bad guy’ — but on the other hand you don’t want to feel like the pushover who always gets over-worked and taken for granted. Saying that tiny, two-letter word more often will be one of the biggest steps you take to reduce your stress levels. Here’s why:
- it gives you time for things that are more important;
- you make others aware of what tasks and responsibilities you have already got on your plate; and
- you have control over how many additional favours or jobs you are prepared to accept.
Always say “no” firmly and politely. This lets your requestor know that, even though you are sympathetic to their request, you will not easily change your mind if pressured. A simple (and true!) sentence like, “I just can’t fit it into my working hours/diary/schedule/timeframe” is an appropriate answer. If the requestor is your boss, you can respond with “I’ll show you my schedule and we can decide what other task needs to be dropped instead.”
Your ‘no’ can be softened by providing alternatives such as: “I know that Jack was working on a similar document and he might be able to help you,” or “You could try phoning . . .” This will show people you’re still trying to help, despite the ‘no’.
Ultimately, it’s important to remember that, even if you can squeeze something else into your work day, if it’s not as crucial as the things you have to give up to do it (including going home at a decent time and relaxing), then the answer is still no: You don’t have time and can’t do it.
More de-stressing tips soon.
Technorati Tags: coping with stress, reducing overload, work/life balance, overwork, time poverty, saying no, balancing your life, making time for yourself
June 19th, 2008 at 2:07 pm
This is a great post. I hadn’t heard the term “time poverty” before, but it definitely is accurate.
I am convinced that your point #1 is the reason behind many cases of high blood pressure and heart attack. Too many coworkers, friends and family members I know run on empty every day, coupled with working extra to cover for something that is, or could be perceived as, a mistake. Employees cannot function productively if they feel their supervisor is constantly over their shoulder, waiting for the next time they mess up to immediately point it out. I’ve seen that kind of culture at some previous employers and it’s not pretty. And it certainly is not good for the company. (This behavior reinforcement tends to go hand in hand with highly hierarchical org structures.)
Regarding your point #2, I think you’re spot on. The key here, to not be perceived as someone who is unproductive or unreliable is to provide alternatives at the time of saying no. Is it “No” flat out, or is in “No, not right now. But I plan to get that done by [date].” Or is it “No. My plate doesn’t look good to get that done by your deadline. But let’s check in with [coworker(s)] to see if we can work something out.” As you can see, my point is to try to find other amenable options.
Can’t wait for the next post in the series. Thanks.
June 19th, 2008 at 7:21 pm
Thanks for your feedback, Mark. Saying “no” is definitely one of the most difficult things for most of us to do in a work situation. The last thing we want to be perceived as is rude, ‘not a team player’ or inconsiderate - especially when important factors such as future projects, promotions and payrises are considered.
However, we also don’t want to be the doormats of the workplace. One of the cliches I hate hearing (in addition to ‘Work Smarter, Not Harder’) is “If you want something done, give it to a busy person.” We all understand why this is true, but that busy person is either
a) unnaturally gifted
b) a martyr about to collapse; or
c) grabbing all of the work in order to grab all of the corporate knowledge, which puts the entire office in a bad situation if they get sick, go on vacation or leave for another job.
Allowing the martyr to continually be given the work and to never say ‘no’ merely permits others in the workplace to slack off, knowing that the Martyr will always get the job to do. Instead, smart managers should be exerting more pressure on staff who *aren’t* volunteering to help out others during stressful times - good management means sharing the work out equally and fairly questioning why if it is not occurring.
Good management is also encouraging the office martyr to say ‘no’ when they need to and keeping a close eye on their workload, attitude and health. So little of this is done until it’s too late.
As for the office martyr, having a clearly laid out diary of not only meetings and appointments but also chunked-out time booked in for completing work tasks is a pretty compelling way for martyrs to be able to state their case and say ‘no’. I”d love to hear how you and others go in saying ‘no’ more often!