There are times when it’s extremely tempting to believe that the world is composed of two kinds of leaders: stiff-necked, puritanical and rigid conservatives; and free-flowing, wishy-washy, politically-correct liberals. Tempting, but wrong. The best approach to leadership combines elements from both right and left — and it has been around since at least 1805.

Life evolves continually — at work, at home, at play and in relationships. Yet, if pain and suffering accompany change, they are less likely to come from the experience of change itself than from trying to hold on to the past and your familiar ways of thinking, being and doing. Underneath reactivity to change is fear of the unknown, fear of new ways of doing or thinking about things, fear about having to learn something new, and fear of letting go.

There is a dangerous belief that you, the observer, may know better than the person does him or herself why they do what they do, much of it based on popular myth and pseudo-psychology. It claims to ‘explain’ the links between what may be observed and the supposed underlying or unconscious motivations behind those actions. As a result, people act on presumed knowledge of others’ intentions and motivations without seeing the need to slow down and inquire into what facts might be proven first. As a result, many a relationship is ruined that might readily have been rescued, and stereotypes replace thought and understanding as the basis of dealing with those around us.

In 1837, Danish author, Hans Christian Andersen, wrote a wonderful fairy tale called “The Emperor’s New Clothes”. It’s the story of a leader who was so enamored with the idea of looking good to his subjects that he had a different suit for every hour of the day. Some modern day corporations have inadvertently created leaders with the same persuasion of the ruler in the fairy tale.

One of our society’s besetting sins is filling every waking moment with activity. Yet research shows that being bored is often useful — even essential for provoking you into more innovative and creative ways of thinking. Research is suggesting a very different value for those times when our brains are apparently idling. Falling into a quasi-trance allows the brain to recast the outside world in ways that can be both productive and creative, at least as often as they’re disruptive. Carmine Coyote suggests at least four constructive ways to use that time when boredom sets in for useful purposes.

Planning too easily becomes a substitute for action. People can spend months in complex planning stages, only to find the boat left without them weeks ago. If you use this process instead, you’ll never be lost, never uncertain about the next step, totally flexible, and neither discouraged nor overwhelmed by whatever lies before you.

While not necessarily perfect, today’s corporations do in fact offer far greater opportunities for women to achieve influential leadership positions than any other time in our history. And these trends seem as though they will continue. But, as with anything else, don’t wait for society or a corporation to ‘make things right’ on their own. Take responsibility for your circumstances and proactively request what you genuinely believe you deserve.

There’s no question that in most every organization (plus home and anywhere else we spend time), we come face to face with folks who push our buttons, antagonize, frustrate, or otherwise annoy us. People who behave in ways that make us want to scream. But are they pushing your buttons — or are you doing it to yourself? Peter Vajda explores some of the ways in which the stories we tell ourselves about the difficult people in our lives contribute to making the situation far worse than it needs to be.

In the first of our Coyote Tales, Coyote explains how to avoid overwork and exhaustion, while still getting things done — and why time management is rarely, if ever, the answer. [Podcast]

An interview with Carmine Coyote, founder of the Slow Leadership blog, covering the concept of Slow Leadership, the importance of making time to think, why you should always avoid multi-tasking, and why many of today’s problems have a single cause — a pervasive lack of trust.