It’s better to be respected and not liked than to be liked and not respected
One of the critical things that a leader must possess is honesty. Not only in the sense that they ought to be honest in their behavior, but also in that they must call things as they see them. Without doubt, leaders come upon countless situations in which they must figure out the “right” way to say something to an employee or group of employees. For me, the easiest way to address these situations is to ignore the politics and just say what you believe to be the clearest, most honest communication you can put together. Often, people try to couch things in certain ways hoping that the desired message will be interpreted by the recipient.
I strongly encourage those around me to speak openly and candidly with the focus being overall performance. Sometimes, it may create negative feelings, but when couched in the choice of (1) saying something to make the person aware or (2) not saying something and hoping for positive change, there can be no clearer answer than to say something as clearly as possible.
Clarity counts
When a difficult situation arises, you have a couple of choices to deal with it: you can say something or you can say nothing.
For example, if an employee charged with an assignment does not perform to expectations, you can tell them or stay silent and hope they’ll somehow change. For sure, the best thing that you can do to prevent similar situations from recurring is to speak out clearly and without ambiguity. After all, how will they know that they missed expectations, or know how to correct things in the future, without a clear, unambiguous communication telling them so?
Of course, they may not find that type of communication easy to hear—they may hope you haven’t noticed the undesirable performance—but that’s the way it is. In my experience though, people very often respond to open communication with appreciation both for the honesty and for the opportunity to correct course going forward.
Straight talk may not be comfortable for you either
Delivering open, honest criticism can open you up to being labeled with less than desirable names. But, in a classic risk-reward trade off, it also can lead to being considered a clear, candid communicator.
Without such communications, individuals who perform less than ideally would not be given productive, fruitful criticism; and would not likely modify their future behavior or performance. If that’s tolerated, others in the organization who witness this may come to the conclusion that senior management simply doesn’t care about the quality of employee performance. This belief, if allowed to fester and pervade an organization, can undermine people and business alike.
To ensure the best team performance and outcomes, be sure to speak clearly, openly and as honestly as you can. To me, the risk of being labeled negatively is far less important than the gains in performance that come from plain speaking—let alone the respect which you’ll earn for demonstrating a commitment to candor and integrity.
Remember, it’s better to be respected and not liked than to be liked and not respected—even if it hurts.
Technorati Tags: communication, straight talking, openness, candor, honesty, integrity
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September 30th, 2008 at 6:25 am
Communication is important… people aren’t mind readers. We often walk around oblivious that we offended someone, or did something wrong, etc. The problem that I see is everyone is so afraid of conflict that we just aren’t good at giving this kind of feedback. I know it is something I’ve had to work on, while learning how to be respectful and tactful at the same time.
September 30th, 2008 at 7:59 am
Bryan,
I agree with your comments. People are inherently conflict-averse due to the lack of comfort in dealing with negative feedback/comments. In fact, I wrote about this topic and proffered an approach that I use within my life, both business and personal. If you’re interested, take a read at these two posts:
http://ninasimosko.com/blog/2008/07/09/if-you-can-only-focus-on-one-thing/
http://ninasimosko.com/blog/2008/07/18/background-foreground-communication/
I also wrote others on the listening side of communication since it too is critical to productive communication among people. One such piece can be read here:
http://ninasimosko.com/blog/2008/08/06/im-sorry-did-you-say-something/
I think that if people have such approaches readily available to them at the time they are needed, that our communication in general will be greatly enhanced.
Thanks for sharing your views…..much appreciated.
September 30th, 2008 at 12:42 pm
Any situation has many dimensions and it is not possible for anybody to visualize the entire picture from his angle.Communication makes it possible for us to share the invisible dimensions as they are visible to other people from there position. At times this also shows us the pitfall we are unaware of and this also brings in out of box solutions. Free and clear communication is always beneficial.
September 30th, 2008 at 4:41 pm
Fine post, Nina. Especially the part about mind reading. You can either tell people what you want or how you judge their work or you can let them guess. If they guess, some will guess things you don’t want.
September 30th, 2008 at 8:49 pm
Hi Sambit and Wally,
Thanks for your comments. I have long been a believer in being candid with those around me. From my perspective, as you both note, without clearly communicating my views, I would be left with hoping people knew how I felt and what I expected. That is surely a recipe for missed expectations and disappointment. Sometimes people’s feelings might be hurt, but I try very hard to never communicate from an emotional or personal perspective. Happily, most people who know me and work with me understand my dedication to results and as such take my feedback appropriately. Each and every day to strive to continuously improve my own communication skills and strongly encourage all of those around me to do just the same.
October 1st, 2008 at 11:43 pm
Very true.
The number one rule (2 parts) in my own team is;
1. I will always be open and honest with you
2. There is nothing you can’t say to me as long as you don’t resort to bad language and insults
The long term benefits in terms of results, engagement and development are well worth ensuring that this kind of communication is part of the foundation supporting the team.
October 2nd, 2008 at 8:10 am
Scott,
Great rules to apply within not only your team, but in life in general. I think you’d enjoy a piece I wrote several months back on an interesting communication approach that I have adopted in my own life:
http://ninasimosko.com/blog/2008/07/18/background-foreground-communication/
Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
October 5th, 2008 at 9:06 pm
Great stuff as always Nina! Candor and honesty is the foundation to effective management and building trusting relationships in the workplace – even if it hurts sometimes. Thanks for reminding us all that it is better to be respected and not liked than to be liked and not respected!
I shared your post with my readers in my weekly Rainmaker ‘Fab Five’ blog picks of the past week which can be found here: http://www.maximizepossibility.com/employee_retention/2008/10/the-rainmaker-f.html
Be well Nina!
-Chris Young
October 5th, 2008 at 9:34 pm
Hey Chris,
Thanks for your comments and for the recognition on your ‘Fab Five’! I’ll check out the others with whom I am sure I’m in good company!
Regards,
Nina