Looking for life’s answers inside
 

Over the past few months, I’ve been noticing an interesting phenomenon around people with whom I work; many whom I only know as friends, colleagues or acquaintances. Several, now in mid-life, are exploring work-life issues around family, career, health, finances, relationships, and personal and professional growth and development.

There is a single thread that runs through their concerns: they are all seeking something. Some are seeking inner peace and tranquility. Others are looking for a way to create a solid foundation around which to grow and experience a true sense of family. Still others are looking for greater rewards, more achievement or wider recognition through their work. Just about every one of them has decided the goals they thought were important, the dreams they held as sacrosanct, the “gold ring” they were chasing, just doesn’t do it for them any more. They’re no longer experiencing fun, pleasure, peace or joy. They’ve decided they need a new path to happiness.

Entering a new stage of life

The ‘happiness’ these people thought they wanted is no longer palatable. It’s been replaced by a nagging sense of boredom and malaise; they are experiencing more sadness, frustration or emptiness. They find themselves at a life stage where they need to find something to replace what they thought were their goals.

What they’re discovering is that their egos got in the way earlier on in life. The expensive cars, homes and toys don’t do it for them any more; nor do the exotic trips, the younger women, trophy wives or toy-boys; not even the plastic surgeries, the crash diets, the wrinkle-free creams and non-stop shopping. Like all the other artificial means they thought would boost their sense of self, these too have failed to deliver what they promised.

Since their attempts to cover over increasing age artificially in order to impress their circle have done nothing, they have finally reached this place of seeking—knowing now that they need to address the problem, not the symptoms, but still not sure how to do it.

Shifting perspective

After spending all those years, dollars and energy on primping their outside, what these people are starting to find is that what they’re looking for is on the inside.

Life dealt some of them a challenging hand: they faced issues with careers, spouses, children, health and finances. That’s why so many are sad and angry. Now they’ve reached mid-life full of guilt and regret, disappointed and disheartened by what little they have managed to achieve by following conventional paths. They’re at the point where they are starting to feel a need to explore their legacy, many for the first time. What do they want to leave to the planet? What is it people will say about them at their funeral? What’s their epitaph?

The good news is this can at last make them conscious, willing and able to look back productively, seeing beyond the disappointment to learn from their experiences and choices. Maybe those choices didn’t produce the life experiences they had hoped for. Nevertheless, from a deeper exploration, wisdom can bubble up, along with hope and optimism.

Going within

For everyone in this position, seeking and renewal start on the inside, with an open, honest and self-responsible exploration of “Who am I?” and “What am I?”— all seen from this inner place.

Any inner journey like this can serve you well. You can find out what you have learned and what lessons are still there for you to see. You can discover what will support you to go forward; what you have learned about dysfunctional relationships, abusive partners and toxic friends—plus your own addictions. What you have learned about you as a result of all those work-life choices you made.

It’s only at this point that you will begin to realize the gift you’re receiving: the gift of being able to be conscious and honest about where you’re choosing to go. It’s likely that will be a new direction. One that will, hopefully, result in a life (not a lifestyle) based on dignity, harmony and inner peace. A place to find true self-worth and self-esteem—maybe for the first time.

Here are some questions to help with the process:

• How would you answer the question, “Who am I?” Do you have any idea of what your legacy might be? If not, do you care about your legacy?
• What do you now want out of life? What qualities do you want your life to represent most? Why are you on the planet?
• Where are you in your life and why are you there? Would you say you’re living your life or trying to follow some kind of lifestyle? Do you know the difference?
• Do you spend much of your time regretting past life-work choices? Do you feel like a victim? Do you find yourself being overtly or covertly angry? Why? What will change this?
• What brings you real happiness and joy? How often do you experience that? What would help you feel that way more often?
• Do you journal or do deep exploratory or reflective work on your life and choices? If so, what have you seen about yourself? If not, why not?

“It is only when we realize that life is taking us nowhere that it begins to have meaning.”
~ P.D. Ospensky

Technorati Tags: mid-life crisis, life choices, choosing a life, setting life priorities, establishing a legacy, dealing with regret

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