“You got to know when to hold ’em, know when to fold ’em, Know when to walk away and know when to run.”—Kenny Rogers (“The Gambler”)
 

We all like to win. Be it in personal life or business, it’s better to win than to lose. The trick is to recognize the best path to victory. Often, this path is not always as clear as you might think. You should never underestimate the importance or the art, of negotiation. I don’t mean specific things such as contract terms with suppliers, co-marketing agreements with partners, revenue-sharing arrangements with service providers or the like. I mean the day-to-day negotiations required to help you achieve your outcomes.

For example, in the course of doing my everyday job, I am constantly involved in the ‘give and take’ of much more mundane happenings: setting sales targets for employees, making a business case to management for the need for additional head-count, determining who will have responsibility for certain tasks or outcomes and many similar tasks. All of them involve negotiation.

Negotiation should not always be about winning

It’s because of people’s inherent desire to win that negotiations often appear more like combat. When this happens, both sides want to come out ‘victorious’ so they feel justified in doing whatever they must to achieve that outcome. More perceptive leaders and more experienced negotiators recognize that the outcome of any individual negotiation does not indicate the outcome of the whole.

In considering negotiation strategies, it’s always best to understand what your most important requirements are (“must haves”) and be sure to focus on them, while sacrificing other, less essential, desires (“nice to haves”) along the way. That’s where a good leader reveals his or her true abilities—in this give and take.

Those who believe winning at any cost is the objective may appear to be be victorious in the short run; but it’s the leader that understands the foolishness of forfeiting long-term objectives for short-term triumphs who succeeds in the end. The leader that knows when to take and when to give will ultimately reap higher rewards. As Sun Tzu said in ‘The Art of War’:

“In all fighting, the direct method may be used for joining battle, but indirect methods will be needed in order to secure victory.”

Leaders who get fixated on winning usually become dangerously arrogant or disconnected, making no effort to consider even meaningful objections to their plans. Successful leaders simply cannot afford this attitude. You cannot bully people every time into following what you want. You must earn their trust and support through clear, consistent and effective leadership. It all boils down to understanding that any credible definition of leadership must include the word “influence” in it. Sometimes, you win more by losing than you would ever get by forcing a short-term victory and leaving everyone angry and resentful.

Integrity and Influence

Integrity and credibility play important roles in determining how well people support and embrace their leaders. Integrity creates trust and accountability—the checks and balances upon which all organizations depend. Albert Einstein once said that whoever is careless with the truth in small matters cannot be trusted with the important matters. Once that fundamental trust has been breached, it is extremely difficult to recapture. Leaders underestimate this at their peril when, in the cause of chalking up yet another petty victory, they diminish the trust of the people who counted on them for honest dealing.

Leadership is not demonstrated by words, but through attitude and actions. At a minimum, all of us who lead need to ‘get this’ so we can emerge from any dispute, if not stronger, then certainly wiser than upon entry. We can only hope that our political and financial leaders also understand this concept soon.

Be prepared!

Johnathan Farrington has some great tips around preparing for negotiation. These include asking yourself the following questions:

• What’s the best deal I could realistically achieve in this negotiation?
• What’s the likely outcome of the negotiation?
• What’s the limit of my authority?
• At which point should I walk away?
• What concessions are available to me?
• What’s the cost of each concession and what value does each have to either side?

You should also consider:

• What are the intended outcomes and interests?
• What are the possible outcome and interests?
• What is my Plan B?
• What is my worst case scenario?

In plain speak, this is simply picking your priorities and knowing how to work with negotiation nuances to ensure the best possible outcome for everyone involved.

Our lives, both personal and professional, are marked by an endless series of negotiations—what do you want for dinner? What movie shall we see? What should your sales quota be? Do you deserve a raise? To come out ahead in these encounters, understand that taking one step back may well be the fastest way to your desired goal.

Do you have any stories of counter-intuitive negotiation success? Please share them.

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