Why strong attachments produce equally strong fears
 

Fear is a natural part of everyone’s life. It only becomes a problem when it blocks you from being who you are and achieving what matters most to you. Many people fail to find their path in life because of fears of what might happen if they change, try something new, don’t agree to what others want or fail to follow the conventional path.

Most fears are groundless. Our minds are exceptionally good at imagining all the things that could go wrong. They call up images of embarrassment, criticism and even ruin. They assume whatever could go wrong will. Everyone will laugh. Maybe you’ll be demoted or fired—who knows? Understanding how what you value most produces your strongest fears can go a long way towards showing you which concerns are over-blown, even imaginary, and which you should take seriously.

Everything you are attached to produces a corresponding fear

The more strongly you value anything, the stronger the fear associated with it will be. That’s why high achievers, for example, are terrified of failure in any activity, however trivial.

When an attachment becomes too strong in your life—even an attachment to something positive—it’s on the way to becoming a major handicap. Achievement is a good example. It’s a powerful area of attachment for many successful people. They’ve built their lives on it. They have always achieved success in everything: school, sports, the arts, hobbies, work. Each fresh achievement adds to the power of their attachment and the central place of achievement in their lives.

Because of this, failure becomes unthinkable. They’ve probably never failed in anything they’ve done, so they have no experience of coping with it. The mere prospect of coming second frightens them. Failure becomes the supreme nightmare: a frightful horror they must avoid at any cost. Nothing—not ethics, not honesty, not other people, not even their nearest and dearest—can be allowed to come between them and the next achievement.

The collapse of ethical standards in major US corporations over recent years probably has more to do with fear of failure among long-term high-achievers than criminal intent. Many of the people at Enron and Arthur Andersen were supreme high-fliers, basking in their success and the flattery of others. Failure was an impossible prospect. They had to win every time. And if brutal working schedules and harrying subordinates wouldn’t ward off the prospect of ‘failure’, they were ready to lie, cheat, falsify numbers and hide anything negative to make themselves ‘winners’ in the eyes of the corporation and their rivals.

Beware of the very things you value most in your life

When your attachment to anything you value, however benign in itself, becomes too powerful, it will increase the chance that the corresponding fear will corrode your life and destroy your relationships from within. Over-achievers destroy their lives and the lives of those who work for them. People too attached to ‘goodness’ and morality become self-righteous bigots. Those whose desire to build close relationships become unbalanced slide into smothering their friends and family with constant expressions of affection and demands for ever greater love in return.

Balance counts for more than you think. Some tartness must season the sweetest dish. A little selfishness is valuable even in the most caring person. And a little failure is essential to preserve everyone’s perspective on success. Are you a positive person? Maybe you need to cherish the negative parts too.

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