“The opposite of courage in our society is not cowardice . . . it is conformity.”
Rollo May, Man’s Search for Himself.
 

Maybe it’s because I’m English that I feel at home with all types of eccentrics and non-conformists. To me, they’re like spice in food: essential to add zest and interest to what might otherwise be too bland. They’re also responsible for most of the truly good ideas we now take for granted.

Non-conformists have always had a rough time. Society seems to need and fear them in roughly equal measure. As a person who was a teenager in the “swinging 60s,” I’ve seen a gray tide of conservatism flow back steadily to reclaim nearly all the ground it lost during that decade. Is this an advantage? If it is, I can’t see it. But that’s how life works: two steps forward, followed by one-and-a-half back as those who lost their power to change try to reverse the process.

Given the present perilous state of the economy, this scarcely seems the time to go out on any limbs, but I suspect that isn’t the case. It’s a sad fact that lots of people are going to lose their jobs. I’m not suggesting this is anything but a personal disaster in many cases, but even disasters have their up-sides: when you look for something else to do, you can try to find a new path that better fits your true self.

Your uniqueness matters

There will never be anyone else like you in the future of the universe. There has never been anyone exactly like you since human life began. That’s why being yourself is more important than anything else; certainly more than the fear that traps people into conforming.

Those who benefit most from the status quo are naturally the least interested in change, and they find allies in the fearful and the authoritarian. Rollo May suggested conformity is due to lack of courage. He certainly had a point. Many people suppress their ideas, hopes and dreams because they’re afraid to stand out and draw attention to themselves. Authoritarian leaders are always quick to include a threat of punishment if you fail to fit in, whether it comes from ridicule, being shunned by others or direct attack. Those who seek conformity have never been afraid to back up their wishes with force.

Trust thrives where non-conformity is accepted

Yet I believe there’s a more fundamental power behind the urgency with which authoritarian conservatives seek to suppress individuality. That power is lack of trust. Wise leaders and outstanding thinkers are alike in two things: they’re usually non-conformists on an epic scale; and they display a deep trust in the basic goodness, kindness and capacity for development of their fellow human beings.

In stark contrast, the most determined proponents of conformity have always been dictatorships. Under a dictatorship, any variation from prescribed ways of thinking or acting is punished. Eccentrics of all kinds are weeded out. Nothing is permissible save blind adherence to the dictator’s edicts.

Conservative thinkers also suggest too much freedom will lead to anarchy and the collapse of all standards. Since they cannot trust others to behave reasonably, they want more rules. Yet a dictatorship is exactly what you get when the ideas and standards of one group are enforced by the rule of law. Whether it’s a nation or a business, a dictatorship—political, religious or moral—suppresses creativity, individuality and freedom in the cause of “preventing license.”

Being who you are is the most natural thing there is

To suppress your authentic self, whether through fear, pressure or lack of confidence, always leads to trouble. It’s why millions lead lives of frustration and desperation. They denied who they are in the hope that the-powers-that-be would reward them. Their reward has been to be exploited by those with power and forced into mediocrity, depression and a nagging sense that life like that is scarcely worth living.

Take up the challenge. Be whatever nature designed you to be. Never mind whether you face disapproval from those who lack the courage to follow the same route. Conformity has very little to recommend it. Trust yourself and trust others. Our world has so little trust even a little more is precious. If you can’t trust who you are—the naturally good, curious, interesting and exciting person you were born to be—why should anyone else trust you?

Yes, there may be a cost. Some people, even some friends, will disapprove of the new you and will let you know it. There will be setbacks along the way. Yet the price for being yourself can never be as great as the price you must pay for stepping aside from your basic nature: a price paid in frustration, dissatisfaction and a wretched realization of all you might have been, but now can never attain. The poet A.E. Housman expressed it perfectly:

“Into my heart an air that kills
From yon far country blows:
What are those blue remembered hills,
What spires, what farms are those?

That is the land of lost content,
I see it shining plain,
The happy highways where I went
And cannot come again.”

 
Mediocrity and frustration are the true and inevitable price of suppressing your authenticity. Only those with the courage openly to live their dreams will ever find lasting happiness.

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