“The truth that makes men free is for the most part the truth which men prefer not to hear.”—Herbert Agar
 

Change is like this. Grasp a rubber band between the thumb and forefinger of your right hand and between the thumb and forefinger of your left hand. Now stretch the rubber band. Think of the right hand as representing new ways and your left hand as representing old or current ways. Every time you stretch to act in some new way, your current patterns are pulling you back. Ninety-eight percent of people who resolve to change in the New Year fail by January 25th by falling back into their old ways. The challenge of something new is trumped by their need for familiarity—the need not to change.

You can’t have it both ways—I hate my life and I don’t want to change. That’s the definition of insanity: doing the same thing in the same way, over and over again, and expecting different results each time.

Taking time to act consistently in a new way doesn’t sound difficult, but it is. Yet if you can’t take some minutes for yourself as I’m going to suggest, there’s a 100% chance you won’t be capable of changing your life patterns, because you’re not going to care enough, or act consistently enough, to make it happen.

Here then are some truths I and my coaching clients have found over the years, and which have supported us to change and transform our lives. I hope they may jump start your journey towards change and transformation.

1. Connect to your inner self

It’s important to engage in some type of practice that encompasses introspection, like meditation, yoga, tai chi or martial arts, self-reflection, contemplation or journaling. A ‘spiritual’ practice of this kind is not about religion. I know atheists who have a practice of regular introspection; I know avowedly religious people who do not. Tuning in on a regular basis to your inner self results in a deeper sense of well-being that can support you in times of challenge and help you make healthy life choices.

2. Encounter people face to face

If you find yourself spending more and more time engaged in on-line social networks—if you live much of your life communing with ‘friends’ on Facebook, MySpace and in virtual communities—there’s a better than average chance you’re real-world social skills may be eroding. You may find yourself ‘holing up’ in your home and venturing outside less and less. A healthy sense of well-being requires interacting in real communities, face-to-face, not fake ones on-line. Your personal growth feeds on the nourishment you will only get from conscious and personal interaction with others.

3. Change demands commitment and focus

If you are not focused on making change all the time, the force of old habits will reduce it to a mere idea that will never reach implementation. Why are you choosing to change? Do you have a firm intention of making it work? Many people who say they want to change are mostly doing it to impress or please someone else.

This isn’t going to take you very far unless you are honestly and sincerely committed to your choice to change. When people say they want to change (to please others), but lack real commitment within, they usually find ways to sabotage their own change efforts—either consciously or unconsciously. You need to be in control of your mind, not the other way around. Only if you stay awake, and ask yourself questions like: “Why am I choosing this. . ?” “Is this really supportive of my choice to change?” “Am I choosing to sabotage myself and, if so, why?”, will you come to an understanding of which behaviors are sabotaging the change and slowly wean yourself away from them.

4. Avoid extremes

Change comes best in small steps, even if some of them are steps backwards. The name of the game is consistency. Focus on what you want, not on what you don’t want. The energy of moving toward a goal is more motivating than the energy of moving away from something. Acting in extremes, which is mostly about your ego’s need to impress, dooms you to failure. Start slow, be gentle with yourself, and move forward incrementally. How does a mouse eat a large round of cheese? One small bite at a time.

Consistency allows the brain to create new neurological pathways that have to be ingrained for change to become habitual. No consistency, no change. Extremes only lead to failure.

5. Give yourself all the time you need

If your excuse for sticking with poor habits is you don’t have time to make changes, you’re doing a poor job at self-management. Time management is never about time. Repeat, never! It’s about self-management. Time is only the symptom and you are the problem. If you work successfully on improving self-management, time ceases to be an issue.

Your values are behind all your choices of what, how and when. If those values are murky or misguided, your efforts will lead only to confusion, mistakes and chaos, inside and out. In setting priorities don’t ask “What’s next?” Ask, “What’s first?” Poor self-management skills and unclear values mean everything is next and no course of action can be kept in place long enough to work.

6. Seek Support

I know of very few people who have been able to make lasting change by themselves. Most who succeed have a support system of some kind to help them overcome setbacks. Who is your support?

7. Face up to your reality

When you are in touch with reality, you can be free. Self-awareness lets you discern what is going to serve you from what will not. You cease fooling yourself and face up to what is needed.

One major element that we can truly control in our life is self-awareness: the awareness that brings meaning and purpose to your journey on the planet; the awareness that supports you to move forward along the right path. Without self-awareness, chaos and confusion rule bringing you unhappiness, unfulfilled dreams and unmet goals.

What’s the reality about you and your life? What’s the truth about the stories you tell yourself? Why is change so hard? Until you answer these questions honestly and objectively, you’re headed nowhere. Most people are free-falling through their lives, ping-ponging from one crisis to the next, with no room for conscious living. The truth about lasting change is that it is a reality that can happen in every moment of your lives—but only if you are aware enough to see the truth of how you live and why to do it.

Why so much emphasis on the truth? That’s simple. The truth will set you free.

This week’s $10 food for thought questions are:

• Who are you? Can you describe yourself without defining yourself by what you do for a living? What do you want? Where are you in your life? Why?
• What is the truth about you and your life? Are you facing up to your reality? Are you taking refuge in stories and excuses? What’s stopping you from reaching your goals?
• What do you need to do first to move consistently toward personal change and transformation? Are you truly committed—personally committed—to doing it?
• Are you ready to do this for yourself, not just because you think others expect it?
• If you don’t believe you are worth the investment of time and energy needed to reach your goals, who else will?

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