“Anger is that powerful internal force that blows out the light of reason.“ (Ralph Waldo Emerson)
We live in an angry time. People are angry with politicians, greedy bankers, unfeeling bosses, colleagues who ‘don’t get it’, careless drivers, and especially anyone ‘different’. Some are just angry with one another. What we rarely grasp is that our anger is really aimed within.
While what provokes anger may be outside us, the actual source is always within. Anger is a powerful emotion. When we cannot contain the energy of anger, we act it out on other people or things. Most of the time we are so afraid of it we try to deny or hide it. Sometimes we direct in inwards.
Although, like all emotions, anger is normal, when you suppress it and allow it to build up inside, it saps your strength, causes yet more stress, destroys relationships and stops you feeling happy.
Anger is also part of an emotional force we need to spur us on to achieve what we want and carry us along through life’s challenges. Dissipating our ‘fire energy’ in anger is a waste.
The ‘fire energy’ of anger
Anger is an emotional energy. It’s not a thought, idea or belief—not mental or intellectual. It’s an energy you experience as much in the cells of your body as in your head.
Next time you feel angry, notice what happens—how you tense your muscles, how the blood flows to make your face red, how your heart pounds and you feel hot. For millennia, people have associated anger with fire. In Eastern traditions and Chinese medicine, it is often seen as an aspect of ‘fire energy’—a primal energy associated with power and strength.
Most people have never learned how to cope with, or contain, their anger without doing themselves harm. Instead, they try to suppress it. Yet if anger is misdirected or blocked like this—turned inwards, held down hard and allowed to smolder away—it builds up until it eventually bursts out in ways that are even more destructive and harmful.
Maybe the greatest, and most misunderstood, stimulus for anger is a set of false expectations about life, usually associated with emotional immaturity. Many people expect to stay on the ‘happy’ end of the happiness-unhappiness continuum permanently and become angry because life is tough. They don’t get what they believe they are entitled to from life. As a result, they get mad at the universe. Then, since the universe is impervious to their feelings, they take their anger out on whoever is nearest and easiest to
Dealing with this ‘fire energy’ positively
You usually feel anger in the abdomen or belly. That’s also where you feel strength. In the West too, we have expressions that refer to the location of ‘fire energy’ here. Cowards have “no guts.” They lack “intestinal fortitude” and “have no stomach for” whatever it is. The powerful person has “fire in their belly.” Positive ‘fire energy’ is manifested as strength, courage, steadfastness, drive, and commitment. It supports us to be fearless. It gives us ‘spirit’. Lacking it, we find it hard to persevere and forward the action of our lives. We become exhausted and lack-luster.
Whenever we give in to anger, we misuse our ‘fire energy’ to ignite anger in place of courageous action. In place of strength and power, we are caught up in fear and bitterness. All that energy goes within, until we burn out. Misusing our ‘fire energy’ and turning it inside, we burn away our liveliness, our happiness and our self-confidence.
Turning your ‘fire energy’ into positive channels will generate strength, courage and confidence. Instead of wasting it in anger, use it to feel empowered and open to facing life’s challenges and pressures with a sense of curiosity and freedom.
When you do feel angry, rather than ‘acting out’, playing the victim or becoming abusive, try breathing deeply and sensing the heat build-up in your body. Welcome that ‘fire energy’ as natural, ready to be used for positive as well as negative ends. The more you contain and re-direct your ‘fire energy’, the more centered you will feel—less subject to the pull to waste your energy in becoming angry.
Expectations and emotional maturity
Much of your happiness depends on setting yourself realistic expectations about life. When things go wrong—as they surely will from time to time—it’s not all about life being unfair or bad luck and bad karma.
Happiness is linked to growth and that does not does not take place smoothly, or only on the happiness end of the spectrum. Growth demands facing challenges and struggles. Without them, you cannot build up your capacity to be strong, courageous and confident. You need things to push against to develop those ‘muscles’.
That’s why you need to use your ‘fire energy’ positively and stop wasting it on anger. Happiness and satisfaction arise when you consciously contain your ‘fire energy’ and keep it for better purposes.
This week’s food-for-thought questions are:
- How do you react to setbacks? Do you tend to be whiny, passive-aggressive or explosive? Do you manipulate, bully, or seek to ‘take it out’ on others, physically or verbally? Does your anger ever lead to hostility, abuse, anxiety or depression? How does this show you are using your ‘fire energy’?
- Have you noticed the physiological symptoms you experience when you’re angry? Do you get head, neck, back, or jaw pain? Irregular heartbeat? Sweating? Upset stomach? What is this telling you about where your anger is being directed?
- What emotional beliefs lead you to react with anger? Think about a person, place, or issue that really pushes your anger button. What is it about that person or situation makes you angry? What is your belief or story that you use to rationalize or justify your anger? Is it even true?
- Have you noticed how the aftermath of anger leaves you feeling weakened? How that ‘fire energy’ has been consumed by your anger? Where else could you use that energy to feel strengthened and empowered instead?
- What do you expect from life? Is it realistic? Are false expectations and feelings of entitlement setting you up? Are they stoking your ‘fire energy’ into anger and wasting it?
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May 30th, 2009 at 4:17 am
Hey, I also agree with you that anger and depression are linked together. Surely they are, that is why they are meant to be dealt together only. You need to know the correct method. The information which you have provided above is really awesome and I feel that you have done a great job.
May 30th, 2009 at 8:59 am
Hello Peter, I recently heard a wise Buddhist describe the “trance” of anger: that it is can be an unmindful force that takes control of us and compels us–demands and outlet–too often in self destructive ways. Learning to pause and observe anger, not be in denial of its use and its power as a teacher, has been helpful for me. Still learning! Thanks Peter.
May 30th, 2009 at 2:41 pm
Thanks so much for the insightful article. Could some of this collective anger be traced back to the need for delayed gratification in just about every area of our life? I think so. It’s a collective “wake-up” call regardless of age or status.
My anger tends to turn to depression, as it’s “backed-up” as you mention in your article. A good hike in nature usually fixes me right back up and connects me with what’s bothering me through walking.
May 31st, 2009 at 7:38 am
Hi, Julia,
I’m glad the piece resonated with you. RE: depression, the clinical definition of depression is “anger turned within.” Buddhism, for example, teaches us that anger is created by mind. Anger challenges us to look deeply into ourselves. Most of the time, anger is self-defensive. It arises from unresolved fears or when our ego-buttons are pushed. But, anger is always” all about me.”
Thanks for stopping by.
May 31st, 2009 at 7:45 am
Hello Kirsten,
Buddhism tells us that anger is one of the three poisons – the other two are greed and ignorance. I appreciate your reference to “trance.” Many, many folks walk around in the throes of a low-grade-fever-type of agitation…easily triggerd by anyone or anything in a split second. We are an angry society, IMHO.
You nailed it; the antidote to anger is patience, taking the time to honestly, sincerely and self-responsibly inquire into our anger, its root causes, what’s underneath. Denial is like burying it. And when we bury our emotions, we bury them alive. They will come back to rear their ugly head again and again until we deal with them.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
May 31st, 2009 at 7:58 am
Hi Victoria,
The root cause of anger, in my opinion, is some ego need we have that is not being met. Usually the ego need is one of three: control, recognition or security (on one level or another.) So, when our need is not met, we react – with anger in some fashion – either overt or silent – but most of us react.
As I commented above, to Julia, depression is “anger turned within.”
Taking walks and “venting” are common ways folks “discharge” the energy of their anger; and this can be helpful in the moment. However, in my experience, discharge does not deal with the root causes of anger. So we find ourselves getting angry, discharging, getting angry, discharging, etc. But the cause (internal) remains.
Often a spiritual practice, like meditation, deep journaling, etc., helps to get at root causes. Being still with one’s heart, not mind, and being with the energy and tenion of anger is the way in to insight and deeper awareness. Quieting the mind and allowing the heart to inform, allows one to be patient with one’s anger, be compassionate towards one’s self, and explore and inquire into it…that’s the key to metabloizing the anger.
It’s no so much about “what’s bothering me” as it is about “why” I choose to allow it to bother me. That’s the inquiry.
Thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts.
June 1st, 2009 at 5:09 am
i read your above provided information. the way you have told about depression is really awesome. i feel that you have done a deep study and then reached to a conclusion like this. it feels really good to know that we have such good writers. i m seriously moved by your writing style and your delivery of information, about such a serious topic. you have done a great job. good. keep going all the best…
June 1st, 2009 at 9:41 am
Hi Julia,
Thanks agin for stopping by and commenting. I agree; there’s a wealth of informed and informative writers here at Slow Leadership. As Carmine would say, keep reading.
June 3rd, 2009 at 1:13 am
Peter,
It was very insightful article. I can vouch for every sentence in your article. I think such writing can come only through self realization and inquiry.
I spend lot of time trying to figure out why I get angry sometimes whose cause I cannot recollect after few days. I can see why? Because as you rightly said cause is my ego! Well, I’m very curious to know methods to preserve the fire and not to throw it away or direct it inwards.
Thanks a lot.
Shreyas
June 3rd, 2009 at 6:24 pm
Hello Shreyas,
So it’s well you see your ego is the culprit – a good place to continue a deeper exploration to see what you find about your self, and how your ego drives or desires lead to anger. One way to pinpoint causes is not to wait to inquire within but to inquire as soon as you notice your anger arising – what am I reacting to, and why – is a helpful start and know that it starts and ends with you, not about anyone or anything outside you. You may have a blind spot or an unconscious block in which case it would serve you to have someone who is qualified support you in your exploration, one who can support you to see what you may not be able to see on your own.
Thank you for stopping by and sharing.
June 18th, 2009 at 9:06 am
I would even go further as I have seen and know from experience that fear (and thus anger) is such a strong emotion, that it can definitely attract bad luck (maybe even bad Karma).
Notice around you that angry people have many “bad” things happen to them in a row, they get in this vicious circle where everything goes wrong and they get even angrier.
It’s almost as if God, Mother Nature or the laws of the universe (or what or whomsoever) are telling us to let it go, cause no good can come from it.
When you are not well inside the world response, and for me personal when I changed, so did the world and the situations I got in. And after you have come to that, of course some bad luck will come your way, but not one after the other or at least you handle it better.
I’m sure it works that way.
June 18th, 2009 at 4:52 pm
Hello Geronimo,
I agree that our negative emotions can attract bad karma, as our positive ones can attract good karma, i.e., the Universal Law of Attraction. We are magnets in that sense and directors of our own life movies.
The Universe provides plenty of opportunities (lessons) for us to learn, to become more conscious and self-aware and often we don’t or choose not to. Many prefer the devil they know to the devil they don’t.
As for how we see the world when we change, Wayne Dyer says, “When we change the way we look at things, the things we look at change.”
Our issues and our “stuff” are never about the externals, though that’s how many choose to interpret their unhappiness and anger. They are about “me.” Few (choose to) get that.
Thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts.