Telling your people what you need is the first essential.
 

(This is a guest post by Michael Taplin)

Let me set the scene. Imagine that you are starting up a brand new business. You have identified a gap in your local market for a product range you can sell, or a service you can provide. You have the knowledge and the skills to deliver what your potential customers are looking for, your sales proposition is refined and you believe you have a competitive advantage in the market niche you intend to own. You have acquired the premises, the essential equipment and stock to start delivering your service. You have advertised and promoted the opening of your new business. You have made commitments to pay suppliers and lenders.

Now you need staff, because you cannot do all the work on your own. Let us assume that you need, as a minimum, two people, one permanent and one to fill in, to make a start. You are fortunate to find capable people who you believe you can work with.

Your supervision headaches are about to start. Setting the standards is about supervision. You did the leadership bit when you set up the business. Now the grunt work starts.

The questions are obvious:

• What do you want your staff to do? Exactly?
• When do you want them to do it?
• How do you want them to do it? What standards of service will they provide?
• How will they handle difficult situations?

Your good people come with baggage.

They learned what they know in someone else’s business. Their norm is someone else’s way of doing things. Their rules come from somewhere else. No matter how experienced they are they come with bad habits. They think they know best. Are you going to be happy with that, or do you want things to be done your way? Who is running your business anyway?

You are going to be too busy with your task of attracting customers and managing the business to do all the work yourself, but the people you pay to do the work have to do it your way. Your first decision is whether to invest precious time in showing your new people what where and how you want things done.

When you start on this process something more urgent intervenes. Your well-intentioned staff set about doing the task the way they know, working from past experience. You are not there to watch so they get it wrong. When you return, to see the result, you are unhappy, but you have a choice.

Choice 1: You are short of time and deadlines have to be met so you can accept the way they did it, and resolve to change it later. They think they did what you wanted and it will be hard to correct that impression next time.

Choice 2: You tell them they got it wrong and ask them to re-do the work. They are predictably grumpy and your dissatisfaction is impossible to hide. You have to pay for them to do it again.

Here’s my question to you: “Why do you not have time to do it right first time, when you will always make time to do it again?”

Leader or Supervisor?

The leader says “Follow me. Do it my way,” and trusts the people to follow the example. Some call this the “monkey see, monkey do” approach

The supervisor explains what is to be done, provides instruction on how to do it, checks the quality of what the people have learned, and observes the way they do it to ensure that they get it right first time. The supervisor then continues to check that the work is being done to the proper standard, praising good work and correcting errors.

Right first time is always the best, the fastest, the cheapest, and the high quality way to perform any task.

Job instruction has been used systematically for the last 60 years, but the underlying idea is thousands of years old. Job instruction is necessary at every level of work, in every organization bigger than the sole practitioner. It works well because the learner is not given the opportunity to fail, and everyone is motivated by success. Everyone wants to belong to a successful organization.

It is no accident that good teachers are generally recognized as having natural leadership qualities. Helping others achieve good things is one of the marks of the natural leader. It is not charismatic or showy, but good job instruction underpins all high performing organizations.

Supervision starts with job instruction, and successful businesses are good at supervision. So your hypothetical (or real) new business will be more successful if you choose to instruct your new staff well. You will have your priorities right, and your customers will value that.

The author, Michael Taplin, set up www.bizlearn.biz to provide really useful business tools and techniques to owners and managers. His first article on this topic “The lost art of supervision” was well received.

Technorati Tags: supervision, job instruction, getting things done, management

Comfort is not always your friend.
 

(This is a guest article from Simon Oates)

With the recession in full gloom, small businesses are really feeling the pinch right now, so I want quickly to detail a common reason why many small businesses are failing to motivate staff properly; and what you can do as a manager or owner to bring about change and increase productivity when times are tough.

Small businesses may not bestow lavish perks upon their staff in the same way large corporations do. Nevertheless, most try to create a comfortable environment for their employees to work in. These comforts may come in the form of parking spaces, Christmas bonuses, staff parties, private office space—even company cars. Yet, without tight control over such perks, these small businesses may be indirectly de-motivating their staff.

Enough is never enough

Built into our brains is the burning will to increase whatever level of comfort we feel we have today. It’s therefore not surprising that veteran employees in small businesses collect a generous assortment of benefits, perks and bonuses—all aimed at satisfying this endless desire for comfort.

Here’s the problem. Once people realize that they have it pretty much as good as they can get it, their mind suddenly switches into a different and dangerous mindset. A mindset that sees the privileged comforts of yesterday as a necessary right of today.

By creating, then satisfying, high expectations, you may be hampering your employee’s perception of the value in their current work environment. Nationwide, this is crushing the ability of small businesses to rethink strategies and cut costs during this recession.

Because they are skilled at spotting threats to their comfort, established workers with this mindset soon start to perceive that they are actually mistreated by the powers above. This makes them feel de-motivated, regardless of how many perks they still have.

Maybe it would help to be less generous?

Certainly some management authors have suggested the solution for this dilemma is to give out perks strictly on a temporary basis. Since the ‘right to a bonus’ situation arises because an employee assumes that any improvement in their comfort levels will be and should be maintained indefinitely, even if this is unrealistic, maybe you should make it very clear from the start this isn’t so.

Keep tight control over all perks and comforts and give them out only on a performance-justified basis. For example, you could decree that only staff that perform on target will earn any Christmas bonus— a solution that should help to guide managers back to using bonuses as they were originally intended: as a juicy carrot.

Maybe not.

Yet this solution too has problems. Target setting in businesses can be often a ridiculously misguided process. Performance-based targets are sometimes set at levels that are unachievable. Getting the desired results may be blocked by events out of the employee’s control. An employee who realizes their targets are impossible will be de-motivated even further. Can you set sales and performance targets accurately and flexibly enough in this poor economic environment? Probably not.

This question of comfort is a contentious issue. Tweaking people’s perks is a quick way to get onto their wrong side. Still, in these unprecedented times when so many jobs are being lost around the world, managers have to consider any course of action that could improve motivation and cost efficiency. No matter how uncomfortable the idea sounds, you should give it some thought. Comfort isn’t your friend anyway.

Simon Oates is a financial auditor with a passion for writing. During the week he works in the businesses of many of his clients, where he has developed a keen understanding for how organizations work from the inside. At the weekend he maintains his website “Leadership Expert” and writes articles to share his ideas about leadership and management in commerce. He also owns “Leadership For Teens”.

Technorati Tags: motivation, perks, cutting costs, rethinking strategy, finding a way forward

(A guest article by Martin Hodges)

The seven stages of recovering from something like unemployment
 

Thumbing through my press cuttings book, I came across a two page spread that I was invited to write for a provincial Sunday newspaper 25 years ago. I called the piece, ‘After the seven ages of man….the seven stages of unemployment’, and it was my personal account of a life-changing experience that had spanned three years. Today the impact of losing your job is no less painful than it was then.

You can find all seven stages listed in the table at the end of this article. This article focuses on the seventh stage—rebuilding your life and career.

Where do you start?

Rebuilding is a daunting task that often evokes feelings of hopelessness. The sheer enormity of making something out of what we perceive as nothing is enough to force the heartiest individual back into their shell.

Yet you have to start somewhere. Why not set about conducting a personal stock-taking exercise? This is a good time to be completely honest with yourself. If you’re rebuilding from rock bottom you can afford to list your shortcomings as well as your attributes.

Do it in your head or write it all down if that will help. Make a special note of anything positive, no matter how insignificant it appears at first sight. Do you have a problem with covering for others at short notice? Are you a natural diplomat? Do you have a healthy sense of humor? What ‘in-house’ training have you had—even if it was just a few one-hour sessions to familiarize yourself with new procedures. Have you been trained in first aid? Are you au fait with rules pertaining to safety at work?

Don’t limit yourself too much

People often regard transferable skills as a kind of currency to be used only within the confines of the workplace. I have asked many interviewees, over the years, to offer examples of their problem-solving abilities or experience of working unsupervised. Remarkably few have cited their roles as parents, chairpersons or treasurers of clubs and societies, or other positions of responsibility held by them in their private lives.

The tendency is to think too narrowly about personal attributes. Your talents and abilities extend far beyond the workplace. You don’t cease to be a complete person when you move from one environment to another.

Be realistic

Unless you have already come to regard your situation as an opportunity to pursue retraining in a new sphere, try to get back into the workplace as soon as you can. Don’t be too proud to take a position at lower grade than you’d set your sights on. The important thing is to be a part of something, whilst not losing touch with your capacity for resourcefulness or self-belief in the value of what you contribute as an individual.

At the time of taking early retirement in 2006, I was an Information Scientist holding the post of Resource Content Editor and Standards Developer in a University library. Eleven years earlier I began working in the same library shelving books on a part-time contract.

At 42 years of age I was appointed as a Library Assistant; the only gray and balding male in large group of academic support staff which largely consisted of women 18 – 40 years of age. This was new territory. Much of my previous working life had been in male dominated workplaces. Now I needed to learn to work in mixed company—and fast.

Offer whatever you can

Once in an organization, don’t be shy about putting forward positive and constructive ideas. Look for those less obvious routes forward. For instance, our library published an occasional information newsletter for students. When the editor moved on, I had already drafted a plan for a re-vamp. I volunteered my services and created a team of sub-editors in seven site libraries across campus. There was no pay increase, but the initiative was swiftly added to my CV.

Not only was I developing the creative aspect of my written communication skills, but I was getting an introduction to publishing too. Eventually, the editorial experience I gained with the newsletter led to my involvement as editor of ‘Viewpoint’, the University’s independent paper for comment. In turn, I was to benefit from an expanded network of contacts which was ultimately instrumental in my promotion to work on flagship projects for the University. I had set off a chain reaction.

Stay strong

The act of rebuilding anything is never easy. Rebuilding your life can seem like an impossibility. It can also be a golden opportunity, if you carefully take stock and believe in your self-worth. Address the negatives and apply the positives. Be totally honest with yourself. Never think that your best won’t be good enough. Keep an open mind about the next road you choose. Take a step forward and begin a chain reaction. Build your future by cementing opportunities, no matter how small or irregular, with new initiatives. Make your own luck.

Losing a job is not your fault. It is not a reflection on you as a person or the valuable skills and experience you bring with you. Rather, it is a cruel consequence of institutional failure.

As an individual you are unique, a vital component needed in a place where you can play your part in the working and development of something completely new.

Martin Hodges discovered a talent for writing during the 1980s recession, when a provincial Sunday tabloid in Great Britain offered him a column for thirteen weeks—it finally ran for the best part of two years. He’s been ‘guest of the day’ on local BBC radio to talk about his writing and some of his early efforts won encouragement from the playwright, Alan Bleasdale. Martin’s career has moved through a series of radical changes from driving a truck to working in an academic library. In 2006, he took early retirement to engage with the ‘real’ world once again and spend more time with his family. Martin lives with his wife in rural Hampshire, England, occupying his time with writing, reading, walking and keeping up-to-speed with developments in the world of information.

Technorati Tags: coping skills, coping with job loss, moving on, rebuilding your life, rebuilding your career

Why the current turmoil may accelerate women’s leadership careers
 

A guest article by Suzanne Bates

Has our economic crisis been partly the result of too much leadership testosterone, both on the trading floors and in the boardrooms of banks and investment firms? Would a more balanced male-female presence have made a difference in averting the current crisis? It’s worth considering.

Many experts agree that corporate leadership teams need a balance of women and men. Both male and female traits are essential to the success of any organization. Last year, in separate studies, Catalyst, an organization that supports expanded opportunities for women at work, as well as McKinsey & Company both concluded that companies with more female executives and directors perform better.

But the argument for more women isn’t simply about personality traits that impact the culture of a company. Judy Rosener, a University of California professor emeritus, found that a company with a mix of male and female leaders—with their differing attitudes regarding risk, collaboration and ambiguity—will typically outperform a competitor that relies only on the leadership of a single sex. Today the vast majority of companies are dominated by men. If Rosener is right, they wouldn’t perform any better if they were dominated solely by women. Her point is that a balance is needed, with women bringing something extra to the table that companies need to thrive.

What women need to get those leadership opportunities

The likely way out of this economic turmoil could well include a better balance of men and women at the top. However, this doesn’t mean that any and all women leaders will be capable of capitalizing on today’s developing opportunities. Women leaders still have to develop specific skills to stand out in their organizations.

What are these skills?

One important skill is to focus on is articulating a vision for your organization. You won’t get promoted to the top unless people see you as able to help chart a new course for the organization. In the January 2009 issue of Harvard Business Review, a 360-degree feedback study by Herminia Ibarra and Otilia Obodaru finds female leaders are seen to be strong in such traits as tenacity and emotional intelligence., yet trail men in one important aspect: the ability to conceive and communicate clear vision.

How can this be changed? Some of what need as a career woman, not just to survive today’s economic downturn but to make a name for yourself, accelerate your career and get on the fast track, will likely include:

• Raising your visibility: When people know you and talk about you in a positive way, word gets around that you are a woman to watch. You can have the world’s most brilliant ideas, but, if you don’t make it a point to raise your profile, nobody will ever know.
• To make a name, you’ll need to be good at giving presentations to senior management, stakeholders and boards. Determine where the up-and-coming people in your industry are, where they’re meeting, what they’re doing, and how you can join them.
• Put events and practice time on your calendar and prepare like mad. Don’t view the speaking role as an “after hours” activity but rather as part of your job and essential to your future. If you don’t set aside time to prepare and practice, you may as well not do it because you won’t shine. Get serious about it.
• Take leadership positions, join committees, give speeches, join professional organizations, get on the boards of non-profits. You’ll also want to consider writing articles and books and doing media interviews. All of this gives you the aura of a leader and expert in your industry, and also helps you meet the people you need to know.
• Speak up and speak well. You need to master the podium, appearing confident and at ease. Speaking is not a natural-born skill; you learn by doing. To become a polished, confident speaker, speak in public so often that you end up enjoying standing at the front of a room and connecting with an audience.
• Find mentors and consult with them often. You need savvy male and female mentors who support you, believe in you and are willing to help you navigate the challenges of corporate life. They’ll also help get you out speaking a lot, and in front of the right people.
• Walk around the office and get to know everyone. It’s still true, unfortunately, that women tend to go into their offices, put their heads down and work and work all day. We emerge only to grab lunch from the fridge or leave at the end of the day. Break any hermit-like tendency .
• Take professional development seriously. I have yet to come across a male executive who doesn’t believe it’s worth it to invest his time in executive coaching. Get with it, get help, go to seminars, find a coach.

Take your career development seriously by seeking out opportunities that can move you forward and keep up your momentum. By expanding your visibility, articulating the ‘vision thing’ and speaking clearly and powerfully before the right people, you’ll move up . The choice is yours.

Suzanne Bates is the author of Motivate Like a CEO: Communicate Your Strategic Vision and Inspire People to Act!and Speak Like a CEO: Secrets for Commanding Attention and Getting Results: Secrets for Communicating Attention and Getting Results.She is President and CEO of Bates Communications, a firm that transforms leaders into powerful communicators who get results, and writes The Power Speaker blog, along with such books and products as “Make A Name In Business”and “The Power of Adversity: Communicating with Clients and Customers in Challenging Times.” You can visit her website at www.bates-communications.com.

Technorati Tags: woman leaders, glass ceiling, getting ahead, skill for woman leaders

Total honesty can make leaders exceptional
 

A guest article by Allison O’Neill

Some advice I give regularly to leaders is “never avoid the yuck” which means don’t ignore issues because you’d rather pretend they don’t exist or that they’ll sort themselves out. Total honesty is what creates drastic improvement and major transformations.

Some people may argue that always looking at the negatives within a business is a silly idea. They believe positively is best, so spend all their time looking at what is working. Personally I couldn’t care less what is working. That isn’t where the gold is. Of course it is fantastic when things are going well, but you need to let these good things take care of themselves while you busy yourself with lots of ‘yuck’.

The best leaders constantly seek out the weakest parts of the business so something can be done about them. Yuck isn’t scary and yuck isn’t terrible. It is powerful and wonderful. It is the kind of stuff that once addressed can totally overhaul workplaces, people and profits.

What is working cannot override what isn’t

I know of one boss that really despised the ‘yuck’. I ran a staff survey in his business and the yuck that came out of it was all about him. Sure the staff liked having their own car park, the huge flat screen TV in the staff room and the flexible hours. But the yuck they saw overrode such cool benefits to a major degree.

It was the boss’s temper. It was out of control. It got to the point people were so scared of him they would stay home. They would avoid having to deal with him at all costs; so much so that sales and profits dropped drastically in a very short time—which, of course, only made the boss madder and more stressed. The survey results didn’t much help! Only when he was able to finally address his yuck, be honest about himself, change his behavior and rebuild his team relationships did the business start to recover. Focusing only on how fabulous the big-screen TV in the staffroom was meant no progress, no transformation and never becoming exceptional.

What is working cannot override what isn’t. I know of a business that wanted to avoid its yuck so badly it created a genius staff survey. No matter how you answered the questions, the business somehow came out smelling of roses. It was creepy and bizarre. Perhaps they should have just bitten the bullet and directed that survey-writing genius and energy into fixing their yuck instead. In a similar vein, but different workplace, I encountered an organization so afraid of the truth that, if the boss didn’t like the reason departing staff put on their final paperwork for leaving, it would be sent back so they could alter it.

Only weak leaders are best friends with avoidance

Leaders who want to be exceptional, have exceptional staff and an exceptional business should live and breathe total honesty. Wal-Mart addresses its yuck. It does a ‘stupidest thing we do around here’ competition. Staff get to ponder and point out things that are ridiculous and hindering them in their work. By digging up these ‘stupid things’ and putting new systems in place, the workplace can become more efficient and less frustrating.

Seeking out the gory, yucky bits should be a favorite, fun pastime. Remember the powerful truth that we judge ourselves by our intentions and others by their actions. To succeed, you need to be totally—even brutally—honest about yourself.

To make a start, you might ponder these questions:

• What issues in your workplace are you trying to pretend don’t exist?
• What questions do you really, really not want to hear the answers to? Go ask them!
• Do you want to run a ‘stupidest thing we do around here’ competition?

Technorati Tags: facing the truth, dealing with reality, being a better leader, leadership, management

Allison O’Neill is the New Zealand-based author of ‘The Boss Benchmark’—a book endorsed by high profile and worldwide CEOs about how to be an amazing boss (You can find out more at www.thebossbenchmark.com). She also blogs regularly on the topic. Allison would love to hear any questions, ideas or feedback you have about this article. She can be contacted at allison@thebossbenchmark.com.

Poverty is more than being hungry, out-of-work and homeless
 

“How will integrity help race relations?” Helen Blocker Adams, the host at News Radio 1230 AM WNRR in Augusta, Georgia, asked me recently. I gulped. Because I am Canadian, I can talk about snow and hockey, but how could I answer this question?

After the interview, Helen smiled at me and said, “I know the right place to start!”

She joined me the next day in my home to talk. She told me about her non-profit organization and the need she had encountered with single mothers. “I want to do something about the situation I see emerging here in Georgia” she stated.

The poverty within

Helen showed me a quote from Mother Teresa that best expressed her feelings.

We think sometimes that poverty is only being hungry, naked and homeless. The poverty of being unwanted, unloved and uncared for is the greatest poverty. We must start in our own homes to remedy this kind of poverty.

Helen looked me directly in the eyes as she said, “There is a sense of inner poverty that has enveloped the lives of many women. In this modern life of socio-economic disparity and media influenced perception of individual beauty, value and self-worth, many women find themselves alone on the outside looking in.”

She thought for a moment and tears formed in her eyes as she added, “Combine this with entitlement and instant gratification mentalities. We are seeing more and more women wrecked by the irrevocable consequences of poor decision making.”

>“Finally,” she went on, “these women understand that they live increasingly in a world driven by greed, bureaucracy and fear; a world governed by political and business leaders that destroy trust through severe lapses in ethical and moral judgment. As a result we have many who have lost trust in themselves, in the world they live and in their way of life.”

“Do you remember what Mother Teresa said about poverty?” she asked me. “We need to make a stand against any poverty that makes people feel unwanted, unloved and uncared for. I believe we need to start within the hearts and minds of women, especially the single mothers.”

I know many women are valued, but there are a growing number of women who are alone, feeling unloved, unwanted and uncared for. “Women and families are the cornerstone that many builders of our society have undervalued in the pursuit of prosperity. This cornerstone goes beyond religion and politics. It goes beyond everything that divides us to something that can unite us all,” Helen told me. “When we positively impact a woman’s sense of self, and her trust in a meaningful and productive way, it can create a domino effect and impact her family, her community, her workplace and her world. This, in turn, will impact her children’s education, the business community and other families.”

“That is where you come in,” she added as she smiled at me. “You are the missing piece of the puzzle that I have been looking for.”

At the core of all our lives is integrity

Personal integrity is a integrating process of renewal and healing that builds self esteem through making the right decision and following through by doing things right. Community integrity is completeness where everything and everyone works together for the individual and collective good of all.

Integrity is inclusive not exclusive. It is built on the value-added contributions of everyone not just a few. More importantly still today, it is rooted in adversity. It is here that the work of integrity is done.

A week later, the Southeast Enterprise Institute launched the first ever ‘Hope is Possible’ program. It is a pilot process created for women facing challenges. It has a goal (integrity), a structure (Seven Tracks of integrity), a well worn pathway (the Hero’s journey) and a process (theme and soul centered dialogs).

If it achieves success, it will not be there in the program. The success will be within the hearts and minds of the women who participate.

It is the right place to start . . . The time is always right to do what is right. — Martin Luther King Jr.

Technorati Tags: hope, integrity, possibility, women’s issues, families, inner poverty, doing what is right

Tackling issues requires different—often multiple — leadership approaches. The complexity of the situation will dictate the response. While routine problems are generally solved through experience and expertise, complex issues tend to be tackled more effectively with innovative solutions.

Ronald Heifetz, Harvard professor and co-founder of its Center for Public Leadership, encourages leaders to act according to these principles when the going gets tough, like today:

• Openly acknowledge the complexity of the issues head on, without attempting to minimize the difficulties involved. Research has found that ignoring or oversimplifying complex challenges does not work.
• Avoid authoritative (top-down) solutions. Shift responsibility for problems from the leader to the primary stakeholders.
• Consider how individuals’ differing values influence their views and behaviors. This is not a “right” or “wrong” analysis. Rather, it is an acknowledgment that, as everyone views situations differently, buy-in necessitates a multi-pronged approach.

A way forward

Consider the challenges that you are facing. What is and is not working? Map it out. Think about how you are communicating with your teams. Heifetz suggests those who are think about and incorporate the concepts noted above manage more effectively.

Now try these five tips, which I have based on his principles:

1. Confront the problem. Don’t dodge the issue. Acknowledge it openly.
2. Reject absolutes. Get comfortable with the idea that there is no “right” answer.
3. Avoid expressions of power or dominance. Promote and encourage an atmosphere in your teams that is conducive to cooperative thought and execution.
4. Celebrate differences. Acknowledge that differences are vital to a full appreciation of issues and their most effective resolution.
5. Recognize your own built-in bias. No one person’s ideas will ever represent an absolute truth— and that includes yours.

There is no one, single, perfect way to get a difficult job done—quite the contrary. Eliciting the best performance possible demands an environment that rewards innovation and cooperation as a means to results. But should things turn sour, and a complex problem become a “crisis”, the best way to begin turning your issue around starts with slowing down and thinking fully about the issues involved.

Theodore Roosevelt said: “The best executive is the one who has sense enough to pick good [people] to do what he wants done, and self-restraint to keep from meddling with them while they do it.” Make an assessment of your own performance in dealing with tough times. Try implementing some of the ideas above in areas needing improvement. I believe that you’ll see more innovation and a wider ownership of the need for action as a result.

Technorati Tags: handing tough issues, leadership principles, facing up to problems, innovation, celebrating differences

Related articles by Zemanta

• Notes from a Leadership Meeting
• The Changing Role of the Chief Executive

“It ain’t what you don’t know that gets you into trouble. It’s what you know for sure that just ain’t so.”—Mark Twain
 

Take a moment and reflect on your relationships. Ask yourself, “How much does the ‘I’m right—you’re wrong’ dynamic play out in my everyday interactions?” Most everyone is tested with this dynamic every day—in face-to-face interactions, in phone conversations and in emails. Perhaps they’re not aware of it at the time, but the majority of people seem consistently feel the need to be right; not only be right, but prove the other person wrong.

Our ego personality is the culprit. It wants to feel strong and secure. So, whenever we have the sense we may be wrong, it reacts by making us feel angry and afraid. The deal is that someone always has to lose in this dynamic. That’s why it always leads to interpersonal interactions that foster mistrust, conflict and competition—they’re all based on fear.

Transcending the merely personal

The solution is not to live in a world of polarity, but of perspective; in a world of differences, not in a world of debate; in a world of “both/and”, not “either/or”. The challenge is how to live in a way that transcends the personal and focuses on commonalities. In the world of the ego, it’s all about being separate and independent—win-lose, me versus you. In the world of commonality, it’s about “you and me” and win-win.

Making this change faces us all with important questions. What excuses are we using to rationalize and justify a ‘win-lose’, ‘me vs. you’, dynamic that fosters disconnection? Why can’t we feel content in being right without the need to make someone else accept being in the wrong? Why do we live from an “I’d rather be right than happy” perspective so much of the time?

Embracing separation

The truth is that, somewhere along the path of our growth, we separated from the interconnected aspects of our being and began to focus instead on becoming separate from one another. In the process, we either created, or were indoctrinated with, sets of beliefs, assumptions, and world views that we thereafter looked upon as constituting the essential “me.”

As a result, we live in a world with as many beliefs and opinions as there are people. We live life from an ego-directed place, so it’s “all about me.” That’s why, to feel secure as “me”, our reactions are to compete and put the other down—so the fear of losing “me” or being threatened can be taken away. That’s why our relationships are based on a continual need to be right: being right means that I can be “me” in a world where not being “me” is a threatening proposition.

If you are able to let go of your need to be right, you will able to live in a place that fosters inner peace, well-being, harmony and connectivity: a place from where you can create more conscious, honest and healthier relationships.

So, as you move through your day, will you take the time to ask yourself about your motivations for engaging in all those ‘win-lose’ conversations? Do you need to ‘win’ merely for selfish, manipulative or fearful reasons? What might happen if you sometimes let go of that constant need to be right?

Here are some questions to help that self-reflection:

• What is threatening to you about not being right?
• Are you sometimes enslaved by a need to be right? If so, how does this feeling affect you and those around you?
• How do you feel when you’re wrong? Why do you feel this way?
• What was it like to be ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ when you were growing up? What did ‘being right’ get you; what did ‘being wrong’ bring about?
• How does this dynamic now play out in your adult life?
• Would you rather be right or happy? Honestly?

Technorati Tags: ego, relationships, fear, being right, putting others in the wrong, the fear of losing

Most people don’t really want to heal: they just want less pain and suffering while staying the same.
 

What most people seem to be looking for today is another “magic pill”, instant-cure approach to alleviate the pain, discomfort and frustration in their lives. They say they to want to find healing—may even think they mean it intellectually or emotionally—but their preferred solution is still the quick fix: the ‘pill’—chemical or non-chemical (food, alcohol, TV, sex, surgery)—to alleviate their discomfort and take away their symptoms.

Pain brings a cry for change, but once the discomfort disappears, they want to get back back to “normality”, not continue towards true healing. That’s scary and threatening. It requires asking yourself how you are contributing to your own discomfort, and how far you are responsible for what is causing the problem. Which of your thoughts, beliefs, choices and actions are causing the imbalance and unhappiness you are now experiencing? Then it challenges you to to make the necessary changes to reduce or eliminate the dis-harmony.

These are profound and difficult questions to face, which is why people think about change far more than they take positive and sustaining action to make it happen. Thinking is easy and costs little. Action is often neither of those.

What stands in the way of willingness to change is ego.

Ego is necessary. It supports you, creates your personality and individuality, acts like the clothes you put on in the morning in helping you be ‘you’ when you go out into the world. Ego helps you appear to be who you say you are; to remember where you left your wallet and what time the team meeting is.

Unfortunately, your ego also feels that it’s its job to keep your image of yourself safe and protect the lenses through which you see the world. That’s why we all spend so much of our lives defending ourselves against others—sitting in judgment, acting critical, defensive or resentful; resisting change in an effort to avoid more pain and suffering.

Fear comes from the ego. How many of your thoughts are healing or loving thoughts, how many are ‘killing’ ones—fear-based, judgmental, scary, hurtful and negative? Your ego believes that your most limiting beliefs are necessary, even when they cause you pain. Why? Because it imagines that the pain you experience protects you (and it) from a much greater pain: the pain of death and dissolution.

Ego wants to feel safe. When it comes to changing your (actually your ego’s) beliefs and thoughts about life and living, your ego becomes scared. It tries to ensure that you continue to think, believe, and behave exactly as you have in the past. According to your ego, change is hurtful. It wants to keep you (and itself) safe by not changing in any significant way.

Ego prefers thoughts and more pain to actions that threaten its security. That’s why, when people start to realize change is needed, their ego diverts them into seeking out what’s ‘bad’ or ‘wrong’ about them. You can spend a huge amount of time beating yourself up over that—all without doing anything to change. You have the illusion of working for change, but none of the substance of changing.

Quieting your ego

If you want true and real change, you must first allow your beliefs and thoughts freedom from instant censorship—just observing them without judging. This action quiets the ego, your ever-present Inner Judge and Critic. It wants you to feel small, scared, wrong and bad. It wants you to set aside the freedom to think new thoughts and take up new beliefs. It wants to block you from making different choices or walking down new paths.

You created most of your limiting and painful beliefs about yourself and the world around you, typically in childhood. You used whatever resources you had at that time, so you could feel safe and garner Mommy and Daddy’s love, attention, approval and recognition. Those beliefs maybe worked then. They don’t work so well now. They need to be updated.

We can all can change our thoughts and beliefs. Despite what our egos tell us, doing so won’t kill us or even cause us greater pain. We can realign our lives by creating new, supportive thoughts and by choosing to act on what they show us. If you really want to heal, that choice is yours to make. What better time than now?

Here are some questions for self-reflection:

• What stories do you tell yourself to keep you from making real change in your life? What beliefs or blockages prevent you from experiencing new ways of doing things?
• Do you constantly beat yourself up? Do you constantly label yourself as ‘bad’, ‘wrong’ or ‘not good enough’ in some way? Would you allow your friends and colleagues to speak to you in the way your ego—your Inner Judge and Critic—speaks to you?
• Do your current beliefs bring you happiness (be honest) or pain and suffering (be equally honest)? If the latter, why do you continue to hold them and allow them to run your life? What would it take to heal yourself?
• The average person has 16,000 thoughts a day. Would you characterize the majority of yours as ‘healing’ (love-based) or ‘killing’ (fear-based)?
• Did you ever just observe your thoughts without getting caught up in them, or in a ’story’? What is that like?
• What one or two debilitating or limiting beliefs would you like to update right now? Can you do it? Will you?
• What one or two baby steps can you take this week or next to make changes in your life by creating new thoughts and beliefs about yourself—and then taking action?

Technorati Tags: change, security, keeping your beliefs intact, sticking with the past, the illusion of the ego, believing your Inner Critic, stuck in painful beliefs, fear of change

Why I threw away my seven-step, sure-fire, principle-based problem solving methodology in favor of watching my son learning to stand up.
 

Most people believe that their problems are unique to them. Many people believe problems are not a good thing to have. Some people make a living solving other people’s problems. And then there’s me: my problem is that I see problems like mosquitoes hovering around me in the woods and frankly they just bug me. I want to know the nature of problems—and, more importantly, how to get rid of them.

This is what I know so far:

• Problems are, by nature, problematic. Collectively, we have environmental, political, economic, and social problems. Individually, we have health, emotional, mental, social and spiritual problems. All problems can be frightening, challenging and controversial.
• Problems are persistent. They keep coming back if not solved properly.
• Problems are timeless and universal. Everyone who has every lived, everyone who is living now and everyone who will live in the future has and will have essentially similar problems.
• Problems are paradoxical and hierarchical. We have global problems and we have local problems. These problems can be simple or complex. Whether global or local, simple or complex, some problems are more important at different times in different places.
• Problems are common and ordinary. Everyone has problems and everyone solves problems in their own way. We are addicted to problems. We love to talk about our problems and we especially love to solve the problems of others! Problems are rationalizations and justifications for just about anything that happens in this world. We fill our newspapers and TV’s with them. Books and movies are built around them. Yet problems also are the very essence of human progress and individual growth.

Studying problem-solving doesn’t help

With this profound clarity about the nature of problems, I have come to this staggering self-evident conclusion: If you live, then you will have problems. Problems are requisite to life as we know it. Yet even if we know that problems are problematic, timeless, universal, paradoxical, hierarchical, common and ordinary, we still haven’t determined how to solve them.

So, I embarked on a study of everyday problem solving. I watched my neighbors solve problems. I talked to business people about their problems. I listened to politicians talking about problems on TV and in newspapers. I read books about famous problem solvers and I researched problem-solving on the Internet.

I came away more confused than ever.

Finally, I concluded that the world needed a new problem-solving methodology that was simple and easy. Based on my research into the principles of integrity, I created a seven-step, sure-fire, principle-based problem solving methodology.

That went out the window when I watched my ten-month old son solve the basic problem of standing. I couldn’t teach him the seven step approach— and besides, he seemed to be doing fine all by himself.

The built-in method

That son of mine cannot hold a conversation in any language and is just now grappling with the notion of “no”. He barely understands the notion of balance, let alone the laws of physics required to stand up.

Yet he was solving the problem of standing naturally. It was as if some internal compass pointed to the problem and the internal physical and mental systems required to complete the job kick-started all by themselves. Without even knowing what he expected to accomplish, he began the process of overcoming his present limitations.

He was solving the problem spontaneously and creatively as well. Every time he got the opportunity, he leveraged himself up in any way he could, using any possible physical object within reach. He was unrelenting in his pursuit. Every day in every way he was practicing and learning.

He also had a good attitude for problem solving. He was undeterred by success or failure. If he fell down, he got up. If he got up, he tried to walk. He was not looking for approval. He was not competing with anyone or for anything. He didn’t care about his ten-month-old friend who could already walk.

Problem-solving via wholeness

Integrity is defined as wholeness, consistency and objectivity. In simple words, it is doing the right thing, doing the next right thing and doing things right.

Wholeness is the state of completeness. The problem of not being able to stand was overcome in order that he could become complete a standing in order to solve the problem of walking. Becoming complete is a natural process that begins with conception.and includes a built-in compass that identifies and engages problems. Problem solving becomes a natural process that stimulates the journey to completion.

Consistency is the state of holding things together in time and space. Following the natural inclination to overcome the problem of standing, a baby is disciplined and relentless in its use of time, and incredibly creative in using everything in the immediate world to complete the task.

Objectivity is the ability to deal with the features and characteristics of the problem, not the thoughts about the problem. Babies are pure in their approach. They don’t think about the problem the way we do. They just work on it and learn from it. Nor does a baby measure success or failure the way we measure it. They are not looking for fame, fortune or power. They solve problems without competition and stress.

What does this mean for you and me?

Integrity based problem solving simply means getting back to these basics:

• Problem-solving is a natural and essential process that we are well equipped to do even if we have forgotten how. And problems never go away even if we want them to. So we better get good at it!
• You have everything you need right in front of you to solve problems. You have all time you need and more than enough resources. Even if you are not good at one type of problem, you can always hire someone who is.
• Problem-solving will teach you purity of thought and objectivity in action. Aren’t these goals enough of reason to engage any problem?

The next time you have a problem, try the integrity-based approach. Do the right thing, do the next right thing and do things right.

Technorati Tags: problem-solving, problem solving, doing things right, finding answers to our problems, integrity in action, natural problem solving approach