When does eagerness to contribute turn into verbal nonsense?

(This is a guest article by Karen Senteio)

I love a good Dilbert cartoon. Many times, they make me laugh out loud. Every once in a while there is one that not only makes coffee squirt out of my nose, but causes an internal dialog and some good-natured observations about myself or others.

A couple of days ago, I saw a comic strip where Dogbert asked a possible CEO replacement if he possessed the skill of blathering, as it was required for the position.

The CEO wannabe began to spew out nonsensical corporate speak.

Not only was it hysterical, I understood it! That was the funniest part. I was laughing at the article and at the same time realizing that somehow blathering had a place in organizations. In some instances, it is definitely considered a skill.

Is blathering a good thing?

Are you guilty of blathering for the sake of fitting into a conversation? Is blathering so ingrained into the day-to-day conversation of your organization that it is no longer blathering, but a new language? Are you not even sure if you are communicating or blathering? If your blathering is understood, isn’t that still communication?

One thing I know for sure, I am guilty of an occasional bought of blathering. I am not going to beat myself up about it. I am going to embrace it and have a little fun with it.

The question is how far you go. Where is the line between harmless chattering and spewing total nonsense? At what point do you have to say, “oh, please” and stop yourself from tipping over into the zone of, “What the heck are you talking about?”

There is a sure fire way to test for blathering. It is the ‘quick eye’.

Here is the scenario: You are at a meeting, you decide to comment, and you are in the mood for a little blathering. The blathering begins and you are going at it at a pretty good clip. There are confirming nods and that encourages you to blather more.

Then you notice ‘quick eye’.

‘Quick eye’ is when someone doesn’t understand what you are saying. Their confusion causes rapid eye movement as they quickly look around to see if anyone else is as confused as they are. That is the sure-fire sign that you have gone too far and should just stop. There is no graceful way to back out of blather, so smile, fold your hands and stop talking. It was fun while it lasted.

Thinking about this Dilbert cartoon offers an opportunity to chuckle at something we too often believe we can pass off as making valid points. We know we are blathering, but somehow we think no one else can tell. Don’t you believe it!

Sometimes, our need to add value to a conversation turns into something far less useful and, apparently, pretty funny. I leave you with this final thought. If you blather in the woods and there is no one around to hear it, is it still blathering?

Karen Senteio is a business and life coach and president of VERVE. She has over 20 years experience in developing and coaching individuals and groups to achieve personal success and work-life balance. You can visit her web site at Verve and contact her at Karen@vimandverve.net

Technorati Tags: buzzwords, management jargon, talking for the sake of it, communication, making sense

Is there still time to reverse a global pandemic—more contagious than swine flu, more deadly than Ebola—that has brought economies to their knees?
 

The hysteria surrounding H1N1 swine flu has concealed the growth of a much more deadly pandemic; one that has been circling the world for a number of years and shows, as yet, no sign of decreasing in intensity. I refer, of course, to Mad Manager Disease (MMD)—a virulent infection of the brain that warps reasoning, undermines balance, destroys judgment and reduces those suffering from it to helpless dependency on mind-altering drugs like bonuses and stock options.

It is amazing that the World Health Organization has yet to offer formal warnings on this subject or recommend the temporary closure of business schools—the principal sources of infection. Known carriers of the disease, such as CEOs (an acronym for Chief Excuses Officers), other top executives and any number of management gurus, need to be placed in the long-term quarantine.

The symptoms of the disease

How can you tell whether someone you have to deal with has caught the virus? The principal symptoms of the disease are strikingly similar to other viral infections like influenza:

• High temperature. Sufferers are constantly stressed, overheated and excitable. Everything has to be done at high speed, preferably by yesterday. Their ability to cope with normal levels of uncertainty in life becomes impaired, so they engage in a frantic search for predictability, typically based on large amounts of wishful thinking.
       As the disease reaches its terminal stages, many sufferers’ overheated brains produce hallucinations (typically of personal triumphs), coupled with delusions of grandeur and invincibility. Arrogance and bullying are widespread from first infection, but tend to grow steadily worse. In terminal cases, there is a complete loss of any sense of reality shortly before the onset of final brain-death.
       Becoming overheated and constantly rushed leads to irrational phobias. People suffering from rabies are said to become fearful of water. Sufferers from MMD become terrified by change. The disease acts to enlarge the command-and-control centers of the brain, resulting in obsessive micromanagement, an irrational desire to impose pointless rules and procedures, and a progressive collapse of trust in subordinates. MMD also resembles rabies in causing infected creatures to launch unprovoked attacks on anyone within range.
• Dizziness and loss of balance. Two of the commonest signs of infection are ‘management myopia’ and ‘measurement-itis’. Management myopia produces an inability to see beyond the end of your nose and a total focus on short-term results. Measurement-itis has been explained as a serious inflammation of the statistical nodes of the brain, leading to the obsessive collection of meaningless data. Since the statistical nodes are poorly developed in many managers anyway, sufferers are unable to make sense of the information they have collected and resort instead to simplistic rules of thumb.
       MMD produces a loss of balance when dealing with expectations, work schedules and budgets. Indeed, the attempt to impose unrealistic, unbalanced versions of any of these should be seen as an immediate indicator of an infection. Balance is also lost in considering priorities, especially between employee needs and financial requirements. Infected individuals typically display an obsessive craving for spreadsheets and financial ratios, further undermining their sanity.
• Nausea. Most infections produce nausea in the sufferer. MMD is unique in that it produces nausea in everyone who comes into contact with the person suffering from it. The behavioral symptoms of the disease—macho posturing, obsessive greed, blatant self-interest and a complete indifference to the welfare of others—are more than enough to make any normal person feel sick.
       From time to time, those suffering from the disease do produce a particularly foul form of vomit, made up of management jargon, half-digested buzzwords, meaningless ratios and PowerPoint presentations. When this happens, bystanders are strongly advised to take cover. To be drenched in this stuff can be life-threatening.
• Weakness. The judgment of those suffering from Mad Manager Disease becomes weaker by the day. In time, they are unable to make any decisions of a rational nature. Instead, they resort to management myths, constant repetition of the past and an excessive reliance on conventional methodologies.
       Secondary infections are also common. Sufferers frequently succumb to every prevailing fashion, and their brains are easily taken over by parasitic ideas spawned by popular management gurus. Serious invasions by fungus spores such as benchmarking and belief in industry best practice are sadly common.
       MMD quickly destroys the imaginative elements of the brain. This leaves sufferers paralyzed with indecision in the face of changes in circumstances. This stage of the disease made a major contribution to the current economic melt-down. Despite all the evidence that existing management methods were no longer working, sufferers were unable to imagine any alternatives.

Fortunately, MMD is both curable and preventable. Widespread reading and the cultivation of an open mind provide effective vaccination, as does a healthy dose of skepticism on a regular basis. The most effective treatment is a rigorous exercise program based on freethinking and questioning of all conventional ‘wisdom’, coupled with a regular diet of active non-conformity. In critical cases, however, the only cure may be escaping from corporate life altogether.

With careful mental hygiene and isolation from sources of infection, anyone can avoid this pandemic. If you remember to wash your mind free from all macho assumptions and management myths on a regular basis, you should be fine.

Technorati Tags: management, leadership, judgment, macho management

The latest podcast tale from Coyote
 

Coyote meets the Spirit of Free Enterprise, gets a surprising offer and ends up with what he truly wants most of all.

Here’s how the story starts:

Coyote was sitting at the base of a large rock, looking out across the canyon to the mountains. It was his favorite place in all the world. The setting sun was catching the mountain peaks and turning the small clouds into puffs of pink cotton candy. Down below, a thin line of cottonwoods wove among the mesquites and palo verde trees, marking the tiny creek that flowed down the canyon after the rains. A red-tailed hawk circled slowly overhead and there was a constant rustling and chirping from the birds, as they settled down for the night. It was beautiful, it was peaceful, and Coyote was filled with a feeling of profound calmness and peace.

“Right, my friend,” the apparition said. “Today is your lucky day.”

Instructions

You can listen to the story here, using this built-in, Flash MP3 player. (Length: 7m 35s)
 

Alternatively, you can listen to the audio files through your computer or by downloading them to another device. To listen to the audio files through your computer, use your mouse to left-click on the link below. To download the files, right-click, select ‘Save as’ or ‘Save link as’ and specify the destination to which you would like to save the file. Using Safari, you can right- or Control-click and choose ‘Download linked file’.

I hope you enjoy it.

Technorati Tags: Coyote Tales, priorities, getting what you want, free enterprise, greed, beware of what you wish for

Another podcast tale from Coyote and friends

Coyote meets a Jackalope, discovers the truth about the mythical beast (or at least this particular example of it) and gives an impromptu lesson about the importance of being authentic.

Here’s how the story starts:

When Badger told Coyote he’d just seen a Jackalope, Coyote laughed.

Soon other tracks began to converge on the same path: mice, rabbits, packrats, prairie dogs—even a fox and some deer. It seemed word had spread and the animals were keen to take a look for themselves. The path wound amongst the mesquites and saguaros, heading towards a clump of cottonwoods at the edge of a dry creek. As he got closer, Coyote could hear a low humming and mumbling, like hundreds of people whispering to one another. Whatever it was, it was drawing a crowd.

Instructions

You can listen to the story here, using this built-in, Flash MP3 player. (Length: 9m 56s)
 

Alternatively, you can listen to the audio files through your computer or by downloading them to another device. To listen to the audio files through your computer, use your mouse to left-click on the link below. To download the files, right-click, select ‘Save as’ or ‘Save link as’ and specify the destination to which you would like to save the file. Using Safari, you can right- or Control-click and choose ‘Download linked file’.

I hope you enjoy it.

Technorati Tags: authenticity, being yourself, coping with disappointment, Jackalope, Coyote Tales

Another podcast tale from Coyote himself

Coyote deals with an unfortunate outbreak of BS that threatens the smooth running of his part of the world. When Badger gets confused and Owl suffers from toxic contamination, it takes someone like Coyote to sort it all out — and have some fun at the same time.

Here’s how the story starts:

Coyote was used to Badger’s moodiness, but he’d never seen his old friend quite as downhearted as this. It seemed all the life had drained out of him, leaving him without even the energy to eat. That really alarmed Coyote. One thing you could be sure of with Badger was his appetite.

”That I needed a big, hairy, audacious goal. Well . . . I think he said goal. Maybe it was gull. Some of those seagulls are very big, aren’t they? And audacious. But not hairy. Do you think he meant some kind of spider? There are some very big, hairy spiders around here. They taste good, too. Honestly, I’m so confused.”

Instructions

You can listen to the story here, using this built-in, Flash MP3 player.
 

Alternatively, you can listen to the audio files through your computer or by downloading them to another device. To listen to the audio files through your computer, use your mouse to left-click on the link below. To download the files, right-click, select ‘Save as’ or ‘Save link as’ and specify the destination to which you would like to save the file. Using Safari, you can right- or Control-click and choose ‘Download linked file’.

I hope you enjoy it.

Technorati Tags: BS, buzzwords, jargon, management jargon, thinking outside the box, seeing clearly,

Kath Lockett reflects on giving in to the shame of wearing the universal badge of a drone

Photo: LAGtheNoggin

Ever since I started work as a bright-eyed, bushy-tailed graduate trainee in 1989, every workplace has had some kind of security card access for entry into the building. This common sense approach to preventing robberies or lunatics entering the building (ones not on the payroll at least) is commendable and was not worthy of much introspection on my part.

What I always refused to do, however, was to encase the entry card in a plastic sleeve and then wear it around my neck on a lanyard.

For people with lives, a ‘lanyard’ is one of those ribbon string things that kids normally use to hang their tamagotchis from, and I sure as hell didn’t want to be seen wearing one for the greater part of my waking hours.

You see, they make the wearer look as though they are trying to be important: all they need is the white lab-coat to complete the picture of being able to gain top-secret access into the underground nuclear bunker that also houses Elvis, the Loch Ness Monster, Big Foot and the Tasmanian Tiger. Read the full story